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From: Him

To: Me

(Included 2 screenshots of nondescript withdrawals with no notes. 12/11/22 - $99.29 and 1/1/23 $111.06)

Do you know who the contact is for our case? 

They’ve started taking $$ from weekly checks, which is totally fine, but they aren’t posting to the account. It’s been weeks. 

This way it pays an average of $100 a week, then I’ll double the last weeks payment to $200 for the even $500. 

I’ve looked everywhere online for a caseworker, and nothing. This is just an example of what is not being paid to you for whatever reason. 

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

*Attached screenshots from LinkedIn and uploaded to Child Support Portal*

Good afternoon,

Per the screenshots attached, on *His* LinkedIn Profile, it states currently employment. It states he has been doing it January 2017 to present. This is current because it reflects his updated *New city* address from his recent move. 

According to him, he has had income for 6 years and 1 month, as it shows, and has neglected to report it which he is required to do so.

He also emailed me recently that he is still doing the DoorDash.

I'm confused how he can have this all and still be allowed to pay how inconsistently he is. 

Thank you,

*Me*

From: Me

To: Him

Are you sure that’s child support? It doesn’t show who’s taking it.

It could be *previous state’s* taxes. I still get letters that you owe back taxes from 2010. Could it be that?

From: Me

To: Him

Just hung up with Child Support. They show zero payments made since 12/5. They are not the ones garnishing you because you haven’t declared your employment to them. They are now aware so they can begin the process for future garnishments on their end.

That being said, I would check with *previous state’s* tax. It’s from 2010 and you are going to get in trouble soon. I’ve called them to give them your current information but they can’t update it because I’m not you. Only you can, not a spouse or anything. I’m being genuine, I wouldn’t keep ignoring this.

From: Him

To: Me

*Attached is a scanned Income Withholding Order from the state to DoorDash dated 8/7/21* 

Maybe DHS hasn’t a clue what they’re talking about. This is a copy of the order from a while back. Although it’s the old one set at $1,000 a month, It allows me to pay a weekly amount. This way you are getting something weekly. So those payments garnished have been going to the correct account from what I can read. (PDF attached) 

From: Me

To: Him

I’m not trying to argue. I’m only going off of what she said on the phone and what it shows online. You can always go into the local branch by you in person if that helps.

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

*Attached email chain from 1/3/24 as well as the scanned Income Withholding Order from the state to DoorDash dated 8/7/21*

Good afternoon,

Please see attached copy of email confirmation from *Him* that he has been employed and working with DoorDash since at least 8/2021.

I am frustrated because when I called yesterday, I was told that he had no employment on file. Yet, here is the order and he has confirmed that he has been working for them.  I'm trying to find where the disconnect is.

Thank you.

*Me*

From: Me

To: Him

Can you call me for 2 seconds please. I tried but I am still blocked.

From: Me

To: Him

When you’re ready, they told me what happened and how to fix it.

(He didn’t)

From: Me

To: Him

Wait…if you have been working for DoorDash since 8/2021, then it was not included in the most recent order computation as income for you and our percentages are wrong.

From: Him

To: Me

I haven’ been. That’s the thing. I signed up and did a few months waaaay back in 2021. Then, restarted for a few weeks ago. The old computation did have the few months I did it back in 2021. It was in the packet that was sent to you. This is why DoorDash has the old child support order. I haven’t done it since and now it’s an issue with the payments not going through. 

From: Me

To: Him

Gotcha.

Child Support said it was on DoorDash, not them . Once DoorDash received the order from the state, they are the ones required to garnish and submit. If that is not happening, they are the ones legally liable. She said to check with DoorDash to see what they are doing. She confirmed that nothing has been submitted by them.

From: Me

To: Him

Would still love it if you could call me for a minute. I have an idea that might help us both

From: Me

To: Him

I guess we will just continue with the nonpayments, arrears building, and constant need for enforcement for the next 5 years rather than you growing up and making single phone call. I tried. I'm not sure why you'd choose this continued toxic cycle but you must have your reasons. I hope it is worth it. I'm just ready to be done and not have to reach out to you all of the time asking and being lied to or not even answered. Its exhausting. 

Have you even talked to DoorDash? Child Support still has heard nothing from you or your "employment". You're 41 years old. Get a real job and pay your responsibilities. Its ridiculous that it's been this long.

That being said, I'm done. I'm done emailing and asking. I'm done trying to chase you down to find something out. I'm done believing you when you tell me payments will be made or "you'll let me know if anything changes". I'm done advocating for you to Child Support when you won't even do the bare minimum. 

So, down the line, when you get so far behind yet again, and we have to go through enforcement, don't say I never reached out to try to help. 

From: Him

To: Me

I will call you later today. It’s been hectic.

From: Me

To: Him

This is exactly what I'm talking about. When I ask uncomfortable questions, you will simply not answer. However, conveniently, when it's not answering my question, you literally respond same day. I'm done with the games and picking and choosing when you want to actually be present. 

Don't bother calling. I was serious in my last email. I'm done with you and child support. I'm letting it play out all on its own. 

From: Him

To: Me

This is why I don’t respond immediately. Unless it’s something is wrong with the boys. 

1. It’s always negative. Never a good call or good news about the boys. The world around you is negative. I’m passed that in my life. If we had a decent communication system in which it wasn’t always the “end of the world” scenarios, then yes, I think we could have a decent coparent relationship. 

2.  You only reach out when something is needed. I get most of my info from the boys themselves, good/bad or indifferent. 

3. Yes, I have contacted DoorDash numerous times. They have not replied since my last effort Friday. They take 3-4 days with responses. 

4. Lastly, I do not read emails daily. I would unblock you if you could carry on a normal coparent relationship. History proves otherwise. 

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

Good afternoon,

I have a question. My ex-husband, *Him*, would get tax returns and they were diverted to his arrears. He has quit working by choice and his girlfriend now claims him as a dependent so she can getter the high tax return and it is not intercepted. Is this ok or is there something that can be done about that?

I've attached her tax return as an example (I was provided this by his attorney during our most recent hearing).

Thank you,

*Me*

From: Child Support Officer

To: Me

*Me*,

Unfortunately, if *He* does not contribute any income to the household then his spouse’s tax returns cannot be intercepted. 

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: ChampVA Insurance)

*Attached screenshots with each of their new ID cards)

Good afternoon *Him*,

Per my agreement in our newest modification order, I have applied for and submitted to *Child Support* their new VA insurance information thus stay in compliance.

Please let me know if you have any questions

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding the email chain from 1/18/23)

Hi *Him*,

I wanted to take some time to respond so it was out of fact and not frustration.

I greatly appreciate that you said "history proves otherwise". As you are well aware, I keep all correspondence. You spoke about me always being negative. As you will see by the screenshot of our last text, I was blocked sometime between August and November. If you would scroll through prior messages, I only asked about child support once since July 14th (which was a screenshot of the arrears and me saying, " I have no idea why and will help however you need"). Yet, without any warning or cause, you blocked me. I have shared with you the major events regarding the boys as I am aware they share with you any pertinent day-to-day. I have actively been trying to include you on everything, as we discussed. 

You said I never send you good news. I have examples of some - I made sure to send you both school pictures. On 7/29/22 I discussed *Our youngest son’s* 504 plan and offered for you to be on speaker phone during the meeting so you could be a bigger part of it, which we also discussed over the phone. On 9/23/22, I shared with you about *Our oldest son* being dual enrolled in college while a freshman and sent a screenshot of the classes. On 10/21/22, I sent you a picture of *Our oldest son* and his friends after their debate. When he received the results, I asked him to forward them to you. On 12/9/22 I sent you a picture of *Our oldest son* heading off to his debate tournament. I've been trying to have the boys reach out to you more so it is the good news that I ask them to be sure to include you in. This is why it doesn't come from me as often. However, I don't force them. When *Our youngest son* got his braces on, I sent him the pic I took and asked him to forward it to you and *Our daughter*. He sent it to *Our daughter* but said he didn't want to send it to you. So, if they are choosing not to share, I will respect them on that. So, yes, *Him*, I do share good news with you but ultimately, I try and leave that to them. They are so amazing and doing so fantastic that I would be filling up your email more than I already am.

What makes me "negative"? Is it when you don't answer my questions regarding child support when you will respond to everything else? Is it when you tell me something and then don't follow through? Is it when you go silent for large chunks of time when you are behind in child support rather than talk to me about it? What you see as "negative" is your sons' parent who is frustrated at your lack of effort to even simply communicate. I start out as merely asking. When you decide to not address it, that's when I get frustrated. 

When I state facts, you see me as being negative. A fact is a fact. How you take it is beyond my control.

But you're right. As I said before, I am spending too much energy on chasing you down or holding you accountable. I'm wasting too much computer space storing screenshots and unanswered emails to use at our next arrears hearing. So, as a mature and responsible co-parent, I will continue to update you, solely via email. I genuinely am disappointed for the boys though. *Our oldest son* was having a panic attack at his speech when he was at the weekend tournament out of town. I called you and left a voicemail because I thought maybe hearing from you would help. This is not something to send in an email that you might receive a few days later. I don't reach out to you about anything other than our kids. There was no cause to block and its the boys who suffer for it.

To confirm, I will not contact you anymore about child support. That is our main area of contention and has remained consistently inconsistent since our divorce in 2012. As I said in my last email, I'm simply going to let it play out all on its own. 

I hope that this will help restore the productive two-way dialogue the our children deserve,

*me*

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

Per our the final order that was signed on 5/22/22, *His* monthly child support payments are $500.10. As today is ending on the last day of another month of non-payment, I am frustrated. When I reach out, I am told that since he is occasionally making partial payments, that no enforcement can be done. Since May 2022 (9 months) he has ADDED $1,484.70. He has paid the ordered amount a measly 33%. 

Last time it took his arrears to get upward of $37,000 before anything could happen. Since the order, he is already running headlong down that path. 

Is there truly nothing that can be done...do I have to just sit and wait years again?

From: Child Support Office

To: Me

*Me*,

Thank you for the opportunity to address your questions and/or concerns about your case and enforcement actions to collect the current support obligation.  Thank you for providing the Agreed Order filed in May 2022.  This has been sent to our Finance Department to update the obligation on our system.  We know how important it is for you to receive reliable child support and we regret the difficulty you are experiencing. 

As long as you have an open child support case, this office will continue to utilize the many methods of collection that are available to us.  Those methods include the following: income withholding orders to known employers; interception of tax refunds and administrative offsets; levying accounts at banks and other financial institutions; filing liens against property; denial or revocation of passport; and monitoring for worker’s compensation, personal injury, wrongful death or unemployment compensation claims.  You should also know that the child support division is continually engaged in finding opportunities to improve our ability to collect child support on behalf of families.

Because we represent *our current state* and neither of the parties in a case, and because you may view your available collection options differently, you are welcome to seek the advice or assistance of a private attorney to pursue a contempt action in District Court on your own.  Your attorney should communicate with the State’s Attorney in our office, and our efforts will continue alongside any other remedies you seek privately. 

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached the schedule of events for the remainder of the semester*

This weekend is another Speech and Debate event, the Warhawk Invitational. Rather than participate in the Speech portion, *Our oldest son* will be assisting the teacher in setting up for the events. He will, however, be participating in the Debate Tournament on Saturday. This tournament's topic is "Right to work laws do more harm than good". 

FYI~ He does not participate in them all. They are only required to sign up and participate in 3 of their choice.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding our youngest son’s 504 Plan Update)

I will be meeting with *Our youngest son’s* counselor on Friday 2/10 at 10am. 

If you would like to know more or add input, please let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

(Replying to email from 12/28/22 at 1:56pm)

Per your message below, his deposit has been paid and his first payment is due March 5th. I have re-sent the payment authorization as well as a copy of the contract.

Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me regarding this.

*Attached youngest son’s Statement of Agreement with orthodontist and Payment Authorization form*

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding our oldest son’s Speech and Debate fundraiser. Included link to website)

There's still time if you wanted to donate. It is open until 2/21

From: Me

To: Him

(Included screenshot of where he was at with his goal and how much he had received)

Today is the last day to donate. He’s raised half with the family. Please at least donate something.

From: Me

To: Him

I wanted to follow up with the braces plan that you will "cover the first couple months". I'm finishing up my budget for next month and the payment is due March 5th. 

Please let me know if that has changed and I need to cover it. 

From: Him

To: Me

Yep. That’s fine. I’m actually going to pay $1000 towards child support tomorrow and then the $500 on March 3rd. Would it be easier to tack it onto the March payment or just pay them directly?

(He paid neither and never anything towards braces)

From: Me

To: Him

I think, for your records, I would do it separately. That way, if need be, you can show that it was paid for. *child support office* has the braces contract and you would need to show receipts for half. 

If you’d prefer to do something else, just let me know and we can work it out.

From: Me

To: Him

*Included 2 pictures of our oldest son dressed formally*

He is going to spectate today and tomorrow’s speech and debate competitions. He’s not competing, just there to spectate, so he still has to dress nice (all day at school since it starts during 6th period until tonight). 

He didn’t want me to take his pic but finally gave in because he loves that his new shoes match the belt he had. (He chose the poses lol).

From: Me

To: Him

*Included a picture of our oldest son dressed formally*

Here’s day two (yes his hair is dripping wet still). He decided to sign up for a debate today so he will be competing.

From: Me

To: Him

They changed *Our youngest son’s* ADHD medicine last week so we started Saturday morning to gauge side effects. Since I was put on Adderall and his medicine was working so well, he said he wanted to start that too. Unfortunately, nationwide shortage of that mg for him meant he couldn’t. But they put him on another stimulant, Concerta. 

So far, just a little upset tummy but other than that, so far so good. Will give it about 2 weeks to see. 

Will keep you posted.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached a copy 504 Plan Update draft*

*Our youngest son’s counselor*, just emailed me the 504 plan for the second semester. Here is a copy (before I email him back right now and ask him to remove the extra bullet points, etc). Please let me know if you would prefer a revised final one otherwise this copy is yours.

Also, let me know if there is anything else you would you would add or rephrase. I'm hoping we can fine tune it before high school so that will be a smooth transition and already set in place.

From: Me

To: Him

On Saturday, March 4th,*Our oldest son* is doing a mock trial with his Speech and Debate Team. His position in it is the Courtroom Sketch Artist. It was between him and his *friend* but *friend* conceded because *Our oldest son* was so awesome. He is very proud and kind of nervous. He said he wants to start practicing to sketch people between now and then. I'm sure he would love any pointers from you because you are the better one to give it.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from school regarding our oldest son’s dual enrollment in the World History college course*

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding Mock Trial sketching)

It is this Saturday from 7:10am to 6:30pm at the *County* Courthouse. They will actually be in the courtroom and presided over with an actual judge.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding the payment he said he was going to make on 2/23)

I called *child support office* to check on the payment and she said it only takes 3 business days to post and they don’t show anything pending. Just wanted to follow up on the payment from last week.

From: Me

To: Him

Sorry, habit. Nvm 

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached screenshot with definition of Anterior Bite Ramps as well as a picture of him getting them put on*

*Our youngest son* got his bottom braces put on. He had both bottom and top braces changed to pink and black, alternating.

They also had to put two dental bite ramps in. 

Next appointment is 5/3/23 and they will see about how to continue with the ramps.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* went to his Urology appointment yesterday. Here are the takeaways:

1. *Our youngest son* was given a watch and we preset timers. We have also coordinated with his school that his plan for during the school day is to go to the bathroom after 2nd period, after 4th period, and immediately after school. With him drinking from his water bottle all day and the bladder retraining, it should help to keep his bladder more relaxed during the day and better able to hold it through the night.

2. *Our youngest son* was given a Wet-Stop 3+. We are going to try it this weekend but I am not confident in it. You put the sensor in the pullup and then clip the alarm to your shirt. When the sensor feels the slightest moisture, the alarm both vibrates and loudly alarms. Since he has slept through fire alarms, tornado sirens, etc., as well as me having a hard time getting him up each morning, we will see how it goes. 

3. They also did an x-ray of his abdomen to see how much poop he is retaining. While he goes every day or every other day, the doc thinks that he is possibly not going enough. Retained poop could be putting pressure on his bladder. When he lays down at night, it would make it worse. When we get the results, if it is confirmed, then we will do a cleanse as well as a maintenance plan (1 capful of Miralax every day for 6-8 weeks).

I feel much better having seen this Urologist. Previously, they merely confirmed that his body was working properly and that he would grow out of it. Even his PCP told us that bed-wetting is very common in Autism and it was quite possible that he would not grow out of it. We were becoming very disheartened. This new doctor was much more encouraging and it has made *Our youngest son* very hopeful. 

Will keep you posted.

From: Me

To: Him

I have a silly question. I am looking to buy a house either this summer or next (ideally this summer). In addition to looking around here, I decided to also look out here near you. I was able to find a couple but before I went too much further, would it make you uncomfortable being so close?*His current state* is not concrete and I am looking in other areas as well. I know this will affect the child support (flight prices, etc) and wanted your input before a decision was made. Are there any places are that are a hard no?

(For context, my parent, my sister, my nephew, and my aunt all live in the same area and I have lived there for 9 years prior so school friends and co-workers)

To: Him

From: Me

*Attached a copy of the doctor’s notes from the visit as well as a screenshot of the medicine that was ordered*

*Our oldest son* and I talked about his acne and he said he would like to go to the doctor and pursue medical intervention because all of the creams, face washes, pads, etc. were not working. The were getting very large, raised, and painful as well as on his upper torso and upper back.  

At his PCP appointment on 2/17/23, they diagnosed him with Acne Vulgaris and started him on antibiotic and a prescription cream until we were able to get in to Dermatology. His doctor made him feel much better by assuring him that his acne has absolutely nothing to do with hygiene or the food he is eating. It is more because of the pH of his skin and his hormones.

We finally had his consult this morning. They confirmed that this was what was going on, his acne was bad, and was causing discoloring scars. They said that he could continue with the antibiotics and prescription cream or she could prescribe Accutane. After we heard the pros and cons of both options, I told him that he could choose what he felt most comfortable with. He said he wants to do the Accutane because it was a guaranteed clear up (usually approximately 6 months) whereas the antibiotic and cream was not. He thought it would be an easier regimen for him to follow through with since it was just one pill, twice a day.

We have to do fasting labs in the morning because it is a controlled medication and they have to monitor his liver. Once they get the results, they will send the prescription to the pharmacy for him to start. We will then continue to have monthly checkups to follow-up and fine tune the dosage as needed.

I'm not sure if you are aware of this medication (I know *Younger SIL* was on one but I wasn't sure which one). The one thing that they did warn about, but said it was a very small chance, was mood changes. He promises to speak up immediately if he gets more anxious, angry/aggressive, or depressed. I told him that if he did not feel comfortable coming to me with that, to please confide in you and you can reach out to the doctor, if that's ok. If you want it to be handled differently, please do not hesitate to speak up. I know this is important and want to make sure that he will feel safe letting someone know.

Lastly, I wanted to talk about July. I will remind you when I send their updated med list, etc. before they come out but I wanted to put it in here as well so this is all in one place. She warned that his skin is going to be crazy sensitive to the sun. He said that the hat he wears to go fishing should be enough. I explained to him that just because it covers some of his face, that is not nearly enough and does not include everything else showing. She told him that even his lower legs when he's wearing shorts, his entire arm in T-shirts including the top of his hands, neck, ears, face, and especially his part of his hair (he's started to part it down the middle since its getting longer). I offered to get him a long sleeve swim shirt and he did not think that was nearly as funny as I did. I am still looking at and comparing sunblock. I am completely open to any ideas and, I know that *She* is fair like I am, so I wondered if there was any she thought was worth him trying rather than the typical one we buy for the younger kiddos.

She also said that it is going to cause extreme dehydration and dry out his skin. He needs to moisturize frequently and recommended tubs rather than lotions. She said she preferred Cerave so I bought him some. She said that he needs to keep chapstick on him as well as drink plenty of water. I bought him a new Gatorade bottle (apparently it's the kind that everyone is carrying at his school) so he can keep it on him and just constantly drink from it. Our goal is 4 bottles per day (it's a 30oz bottle). I know that's optimistic but wanted to try. 

He is very excited about this. I think when she told him that it was guaranteed to work and gave it around a 6 month timeline, that is all he heard. I've talked with him since about the side effects, new routine and products, and especially about the possible mood changes. She said that if it becomes a bit much, she can always lower the dose and he can simply take it for longer, still with the assurance of it clearing, or he always the option of switching over to the antibiotic and prescription cream.

I haven't had any experience with this and am open to ideas if you think there are better options that we haven't tried.

To: Him

From: Me

*Attached the doctor’s notes from the visit as well as the products bought on Amazon*

For the last few weeks, *Our youngest son* has been getting bumps on his torso, back, arms and upper thighs. It was not red, raised, itchy or anything other than simply being a bump. We monitored it to see if there was any changes and there was not. Once it showed up, it just stayed.

We were able to see his PCP today (actually it was a different doc filling in for his PCP and *Our youngest son* did not like him at all). He said he believed it was Keratosis Pilaris. Pretty much just excess dead skin cells that need to be exfoliated off. As he was describing it, he mentioned that it is typically hereditary. I hadn't even connected the dots but that is exactly what used to be on my upper arms (which is the typical location that is presents and stays). 

He said that he recommended exfoliating, a cream like the one I was talking about for *Our oldest son* to help moisturize, and a cream called Amlactin lotion. I bought this and a two-sided scrub brush on a stick (so he can really scrub his back). 

Also totally open to any suggestions for this. I know there are soaps that have the grit to exfoliate but he wasn't too keen on that.

Will keep you posted on how it is looking and what he might need in July as it gets closer

From: Him

To: Me

Yes. From what I know from *Younger SIL* on Accutane, it did work. Amazingly. But she very much went into depression and felt suicidal. It’s a very serious med, but he needs to be monitored daily. I think it’d be great for his confidence though. I’m all for it, as long as we continue to validate and understand his emotions

From: Him

To: Me

I too have the bumps on my upper arm. Almost like baby pimples. But not. Usually if I scrub with a cloth; it lessens the appearance

From: Me

To: Him

*Included receipt from Amazon showing the cream ordered*

Totally understand.

This is what we ended up ordering.

From: Me

To: Him

I keep forgetting to tell you. *Our youngest son* and I, for quite a long time, have been having really deep discussions on space, gravity, time continuums, etc. (as I'm sure he has with you as well). We talked about him majoring in some field of science because he also loves doing math and solving puzzles/problems. While he was open to the ideas and they all held their appeal, nothing really clicked. I kept telling him it would when it was right. For a while this year, he said he wanted to do astronomy because of his fascination with space, black holes, molecular makeup, etc. I've been buying him books on it every time I go to Barnes and Noble. About a month ago, he came to me because it finally clicked for him. He was so excited to tell me that he wants to work for NASA. He doesn't want to become an astronaut, more of the research side of it.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Our youngest son’s College/Career Day and Anxiety)

This is happening today at school. He came to me last night because he was feeling anxious about today. They go to different classes, the auditorium, etc. It was based on what jobs they were interested in. He was very worried about not knowing where to go, forgetting, or getting lost. He really wanted to stay home today. We talked about it and he agreed that I would go with him before school this morning to touch base with the counselor to see if he could get a written copy of what different classes he had to go to. I told him that we could see how his day looked and if he felt uncomfortable, we would cross that bridge then. I was trying to help him realize what a fun day it could actually be but also being supportive in case it was genuinely too overwhelming.

When we got there this morning, the school was hectic. Lots of adults checking in, not very organized and exceptionally louder than usual in the hallway. He really started to get tense. We were able to speak to his counselor (He has been so patient and wonderful!). He offered to walk with *Our youngest son* to his first class (Advisory). He said that was where *Our youngest son* would find out today's schedule and times. I told him that I would wait in the parking lot until Advisory ended and the next period started that way I was there if he needed me or just moral support knowing I was waiting. 

Thankfully, I even waiting a little bit longer before just now heading home. 

I just wanted to pass on that *Our youngest son’s* social anxiety and Dory-like memory is still something that needs patience and I'm assured is normal and manageable with help. I don't want to push in the situation because then he shuts down or becomes very overwhelmed and cries. He is on a waiting list for regular counseling but they said the waiting lists are well over a year. I called this morning to an ADHD specific counselor but she said none of them will accept Medicaid, it would be out-of-pocket. 

I'm working on it with him but am totally open to ideas. In fact, I'm genuinely reaching out to pick your brain. I've recently purchased the books "Disconnected Kids: The Groundbreaking Brain Balance Program for Children with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Neurological Disorders" by Dr. Robert Melillo and "The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm" by Elaine Taylor-Klaus. I'm finding the theory is sound and would be so helpful, but getting it to work with *Our youngest son* is proving difficult because of his low self-esteem getting in the way. We've had a few small victories that I will absolutely take. One is that we found our groove with homework. He has his own agenda and I bought us a "Homework Notebook" where we fill in the columns every single day so we are totally on top of it. He is maintaining zero missing assignments since we started this routine at the beginning of the semester and has straight A's.

My main focus right now is him is the anxiety part in school. He doesn't come to me with everything because, as you know, I want to jump into action and set the world on fire for him. I've been working on it and we have an agreement that I'm allowed to be mad but I'm not allowed to do any action unless he is ok with it. Its been hard but it has been successful the times we have done it. However, like yesterday, he came to me and asked me to please not say anything. One of his teachers pulled him aside and asked what was wrong. He said he tried not to start crying and did not know why he was feeling so anxious. She was so great for noticing and let him finish the assignment, which he was originally working on with a partner, on his own instead. He also said while walking home, a boy on the bus yelled out "Fuck you *Our youngest son’s name*, suck a dick". *Our youngest son* said he had no idea who it was and had never seen him before. I asked if anyone was upset with him or if anything had happened and he said no because he didn't have any friends. I tried to assure him that teenagers are jerks, especially when you add testosterone-spiked puberty into the mix. I truly think that him not knowing the guy is what he is stuck on, not what was actually said.

Anyway, I know this email is long and kind of rambling (ok, very rambling) but I really am looking for help. I'm trying to look into the FDS funds that he has available through one of his programs to see if it will cover the coach but I'm not holding my breath. I would like to know your perspective on it and if you found things what worked when he was there. My goal is to try to at least establish routines, fine tune the 504, and have him on a good path for when he starts high school. I just don't know how yet. 

Genuinely, I would appreciate anything.

From: Me

To: Him

Do you have some time where you would have a few minutes to chat over the phone? 

I would like to not just send you updates like a newsletter, but rather have conversations and be provided some insight from your perspective or ideas.

Would definitely appreciate it.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding email from 4/19/23)

Just wanted to follow up on this.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached the driver’s ed information sheet as well as the class schedule*

*Our oldest son* was accepted into the summer Drivers Ed program. I've attached the info and the schedule. His appointment for his permit test is 5/10.

I know we were both supposed to pay half for this since it is extra-curricular. Since you haven't made any of the planned payments for *Our youngest son’s* braces that you said you would (March and April = $288), do you want to just pay this ($220) and call it even?

Let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding email from 4/19/23)

I think we have been doing very well recently on our communication regarding the kiddos. I have no qualms continuing to send you updates, however, when it comes to questions or major decisions that affect them, I would like it to be more of a conversation rather than stunted emails over days. 

I am trying to include you and have your input. 

I am still blocked on your phone so, when you have time, will you please call me

From: Me 

To: Him

*Attached copy of the CT results*

Yesterday we were in the ER again. *Our oldest son* has had a history of vomiting, diarrhea and stomach pain. We have been to both the ER and Urgent Care a few times. It has been written off as a virus, food poisoning, etc.

They saw on the CT yesterday that he has inflamed nodes in his abdomen. Since it happens so frequently, it doesn't seem to be just a virus that he gets every week or so. They ran some extra immunoglobulin labs that they had to send off. We have an appointment Friday at 3pm to follow up with his doc as well as go over the labs.

One of the causes that I see is IBS. If I'm not mistaken, I believe this is something that you deal with. It is also something that can be hereditary and I am going to ask the doc about.

Will update you Friday after the appointment.

From: Me 

To: Him

*Attached a copy of both lab results*

His labs came in. Will discuss with doc Friday and let you know.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Our oldest son’s dermatology appointment)

*Attached the doctor’s notes from the appointment*

We had our med check appointment with them this morning.

Aside from ridiculously chapped lips, some dry skin, and sun sensitivity, he is doing well. Skin is looking great.

Doc said they typically up it titrate it up now so he is going from 20mg to 30mg. Not sure why the list saved so wonky but wanted to show that the name changed.

We have to check in every month (that means the July one will be a call from your house). Before they come, I will send a list of the items he needs while out there.

Will keep you posted.

From: Me

To: Him, Our oldest son

I wanted to touch base with you regarding *Our oldest son’s* Drivers Ed summer course and I have included him on this email so we are all on the same page.

Due to *Our oldest son’s*' grades and missing assignments, he will not be allowed to take this course. He and I discussed this Tuesday, coming to this decision. Because he will not be allowed this privilege, he will not be grounded through the summer for his report card which I will forward when it is finalized. We agreed that this was the best punishment and would consider the matter dealt with. 

Please let me know if you have any questions or input.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding email from 4/19/23)

Because of the lack of communication requested, *Our youngest son* and I moved forward with unenrolling him from *his current school* and began homeschool. 

He and I are sending you the following information together so he can provide his input as well.

I am utilizing *Homeschool website* program. Two of the major reasons I chose this one (on top of all of the awards it has received) was because he can choose each subject at his appropriate grade level which allows him to take more advanced courses in the areas he excels in and secondly, it is an approved product by IBCCES for children with Autism. There are no laws dictating the number of hours, subjects, curriculum, testing, etc. So, for example, he can take a lower level English course since he is struggling with reading comprehension while also taking a math course that is two levels higher. Being able to work at his own pace will let him work on things outside of our planned times. If he is bored on a Sunday afternoon, he can login and get ahead of the "Weekly Planner" that he and I created in the program. He is very excited about the prospect of advancing quickly through the courses he's most comfortable with so he can dual enroll and begin getting college credits earlier while still being able to work as long as needed anywhere he may need to.

Since he and I have the freedom now to create our own daily schedules, he can participate in his therapies without missing school and falling behind. One of the stipulations I made, which he agreed to, is that he is required to work with a Behavioral Interventionist during the week. Although I know that the social component as kids grow is important, how it was being experienced in school was actually having the opposite affect. With the BI, *Our youngest son* would not only learn the skills but would also be in the community to put them into practice with a person he feels safe with. *Our youngest son* and my goal, with the aid of his BI, find a place that he can volunteer a few hours during the week to further integrate outside interactions. Being able to balance school with speech, BI, volunteering, etc. will help him thrive and become more well-rounded. Before you argue about him missing out on activities with kids his age, you would first need to be present and know that this is already not happening therefore, finding a productive way to grow in this time is something he and I both see as a gain. Having previously been badly bullied and, coupled with his growing social anxiety this year, he would rather be volunteering somewhere like the planetarium, for example, where he can not only learn but do something that aligns with his lifelong goal of an astronaut with NASA. 

If we feel that this is not working how we had envisioned it, I have already confirmed with the school district that there is nothing hindering us from reenrolling and being able to immediately begin attending.

Regarding our new revised order, I have spoken with the VA legal aid. They said that him homeschooling is the legal equivalent of being enrolled in public school with transcripts and diploma also legally approved documents accepted in sports activities, clubs, military enlistment, college enrollments, etc. Child support would still be continued to be paid until he is issued his diploma or he turns 20. I also inquired about the "Other Child Related Expenses". I knew that this was schooling and would not be considered "extra-curricular", however the activities with the BI, volunteering, etc. would be. They said that the verbiage "agreed upon", regarding the required items would be the deciding factor. That being said, *Our youngest son* came up with the following list of supplies that he wants/needs to set up his own space to successfully begin this new chapter. It is by no means inclusive and any support on your end would be greatly appreciated by him and I. He has already scoured Pinterest for setups. Please reach out to him regarding it if you have any questions.

• Laptop
• Headphones with mic
• Mouse
• Mousepad
• 5 subject notebook
• Pens
• Pencils
• Dry Erase board
• Colored Dry Erase markers/eraser (magnetic)

Since he is still enrolled in the FDS program, I will use those funds to provide therapeutically appropriate items that will help (and I included the items requesting that are not related to his schooling). Unfortunately, they cannot be directly related to education or considered to be something required by a therapist (otherwise they require these to be covered by insurance or out of pocket). I am able to submit for one membership on an approved list so we chose YMCA. I am submitting a Goods and Services Request for the following which is, again, not all inclusive but a starting point.

• Bouncy Ball Chair https://www.autism-products.com/product/aeromat-teen-adult-ball-chair/
• Visual Timer https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BQW1GKK7?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
• Body Sock https://www.amazon.com/Fun-Function-Explorer-Stretch-Spandex/dp/B00GQDB5W2/ref=sr_1_8?crid=1KMSKNJMDDE6T&keywords=body+sock+adult&qid=1685038344&sprefix=body+sock+adult%2Caps%2C185&sr=8-8
• Weighted Compression Vest https://funandfunction.com/weighted-compression-vest.html#
• Extra Weights for the Vest https://funandfunction.com/vest-weights.html
• Noise Cancelling Headphones (I am still looking for the ones I found last year that I shouldn't bought. They can adjust the level of noise reduction. Also, they will not allow them to be able to be used with audio. They have to be strictly to reduce sound. I don't love these but these are just an example) https://a.co/d/6Wx7l1C
• Hair Clippers - https://www.amazon.com/Clippers-Children-Waterproof-Rechargeable-Cordless/dp/B0B4WPWDVW
• Overnight Boxer Briefs - https://carerspk.com/products/mens-washable-underwear-for-heavy-incontinence?sku=18055515278677059880822299
• Visual Checklist - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B79LJLCL/?coliid=IR13A0YDP7WXR&colid=2010OEFE52Q58&psc=1&ref_=list_c_wl_lv_ov_lig_dp_it
• Sensory Tap Lights - https://brightautism.org/products/tap-tap-led-lights-sensory-and-visual-stimulation-10-discount?variant=39517930324065
• Fidget Pens - https://www.amazon.com/Wee-Multifunctional-Ballpoint-Relaxation-Multicolor/dp/B0B38G38SP/ref=sr_1_116?keywords=desk+relaxation+toys&qid=1685042867&sr=8-116
• Desk Fidgets - I am still trying to decide which ones are ideal. I want them to help provide that energy release but not become a distraction.
• Tornados/Storms - just learned that I can order items to help with his anxiety for these but I cannot keep them at your house. Since they are for him, they would have to stay with him. Looking for items that would be easier to travel with (not things like his weighted blanket, etc) or items that you could purchase and keep at your house. 
• Airplane Travel - just learned that I can include items that can be helpful during these trips so will begin to look for these as well.

Please feel free to reach out to either of us if you have any questions or input.

*Me* and*Our youngest son*

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached doctor’s notes from visit on 5/19/23*

Please see attached.

Waiting on *Our oldest son* to provide a stool sample. Getting a GI referral.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Boys’ 22-23 Report Cards)

*Attached both*

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached a screenshot of text messages from our youngest son and him)

*Our youngest son* and I were at the doctor this morning for his tailbone (still waiting on X-Ray results, etc. then will update). There were some texts shared between the boys and then some hurt feelings. I do not want to argue specifics, just wanted to come to you about the two points I thought were the most important takeaways.

Please do not ask *Our oldest or Youngest son* things about the other and potentially put them in an uncomfortable middle position. 

Also, please remember that *Our youngest son* has ADHD. Part of that is poor short-term memory. When he sees your text, if he can't message back in that moment, he will forget to go back to it and when he sees it later, he feels it is too late to respond (this is how he explained it). Conversations with him are going to take much more effort and most of the time, he is the king of short replies. Please don't let that stop you from continuing to reach out. 

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: July’s Visitation)

Just wanted to touch base on this. I haven’t heard anything and *Our oldest son* said you were going to email me last night about it. Please let me know if the plans have changed so I can plan accordingly.

From: Him 

To: Me

Sorry I haven’t gotten back sooner. Things have been a little hectic around here too. Switching to virtual school as well here, dealing with a heart attack etc. Anyway, yes. Love to have the boys next month. 

I was thinking July 3rd through Aug 1st or 2nd. Lemme know if that works. 

From: Me

To: Him

I was waiting to put things in concrete until I heard back from you. I'm planning on being out of state during that time.

I will have to let you know Tuesday. I will have a definitive then

From: Him

To: Me

No problem. Let me know if altering the days helps any. If they can come out later or go home later. My schedule is more flexible in that area. 

From: Me

To: Him

I know it’s short notice, but I have a plan that I think would be awesome for everybody. I don’t know if it’ll work for you, but I just wanted to offer it. If you could fly them out this Saturday, I can pick them up from you in *his current state* because I will be out there at that time. That way you only have to pay for a one-way trip which should be not too crazy with it being the short notice. Let me know what you think. 

From: Him

To: Me

Saturday as in the 24th? When would you pick them up on your way home?

From: Me

To: Him

I was going to leave that date up to you. My original plan was to go out from the 1st to the 1st. But for me it would work better financially if I could leave this weekend. I can pick them up any time you want.

From: Me

To: Him

I’m driving so my pickup is totally flexible

From: Me

To: Him

I’m driving from here to *different state* to *parent’s town*. Trying to surprise my mom for her birthday but was trying to do my *different state* leg first. That’s why I was trying to leave early. 

If that doesn’t work, I can just do it after. Just let me know.

From: Him

To: Me

I would love to have the boys this Saturday, but wouldn’t be able to swing that until Weds June 28th.  Is this doable?

From: Me

To: Him

Oh gosh yes and I apologize if I put extra pressure on you! 

I was truly just asking from a selfish place. I had my plans set to start on the 1st anyway and had not changed anything. Was truly just seeing if it was an option.l because it was easier for me.

Thank you for being open and flexible.

From: Me

To: Him

Please don’t tell them I’m picking them up and driving. I’m excited to surprise them!

From: Him

To: Me

*Screenshot of plane ticket information*

From: Him

To: Me

*Attached screenshots of their boarding passes*

I already checked them in. Here are their boarding passes.

From: Me

To: Him

Perfect thank you

From: Me

To: Him

I just wanted to touch base on the following. I'm sorry I didn't send it earlier for you.

*Our oldest son*:

-Because of his acne medicine, he needs the chapstick, skin moisturizer, body wash and sunblock CONSTANTLY. As well as a constant inflow of water. We have been using the Cerave products for his body and the O'Keefe's for the chapstick. I got them either from Walmart or Amazon. He knows which ones he needs. If not, I can shoot over pictures. I also don't think it has to be those specifically, was just sharing what we currently used. If you know of something better, please let him know and we will start using it here. (I think we need to switch out chapstick but he loves it)

-His favorite hair product (Hairitage) has been out of stock at our Walmart for a while. He just used the last of it this morning. I'm not sure if it will be stocked there but he is open to trying something else if it's not. He keeps trying to get away with not brushing his hair at all and shoving it in his hat. 

-He takes his acne medicine in the morning and at night. We really haven't been having any side effects other than the sun sensitivity and skin dryness thankfully.

-He has been doing awesome with portion control at meals, nothing after around 6pm, and doing breakfast shakes in the morning. He is getting so confident with his body and clothes. Super proud of him. 

-He is bringing his Apple Watch and charger. 

*Our youngest son*:

-He takes his Concerta (for ADHD) in the morning. This also causes dehydration so he needs constant inflow of water too.

-He is doing better at night but still would absolutely recommend a pullup and sheet protector every time. He has gotten back into the habit of not going and holding it so I have been making him go throughout the day.

-He is still below weight and we have been finding creative ways to add protein, per docs orders. His go-to is the typical Autism plate where it is carbs and beige, pretty much. For his birthday dinner, when he could have absolutely anything or any restaurant, he chose macaroni and cheese with mashed potatoes. He's getting better with his like for veggies and seasoning. I've been insisting he include it. Still would prefer carbs to meat. I know you guys eat pretty well rounded so I'm not worried, just still wanted to bring it to your attention. 

-On that same note, he is very self conscious of his body. He feels his arms and legs are too thin so he is interested in bulking them. I told him not just eating healthy but also working them. Been trying to push him to do not just normal physical activity but things that would add extra exertion, etc. Please don't comment or joke. Its very sensitive. (especially his elbows)

-Also very sensitive is his leg hair. He didn't want to wear shorts to school. I told him that most teenage boys get pumped about finally getting leg hair, any hair. But he insisted on wearing pants through the end of school. 

-He wants to grow his hair, he wants to buzz it, he just doesn't know. If you can get him to commit, go for it. If not, no worries. I just feel like he still doesn't like it and it makes him focus on it during the day.

-*Our youngest son* has the Amlactin daily lotion for his bumps but he doesn't use it as much as he should. I'm not worried if he doesn't there because it's mostly just for his self-esteem. It's not a health requirement.

-He has been having tailbone issues. We've been to both urgent care and the doc about it. There is nothing physically wrong (did x-rays, super uncomfortable and up-close exams, etc). We believe it is because of how thin he is that his tailbone is putting pressure on that little bit of skin right there that has not much cushion. He gets uncomfortable sitting on something firm (car, barstool, etc) in just a minute or two. I have had him using a gel filled cushion in the car that I bought for my desk chair. It has the cut out in the back to help with lower back pain but its perfect because the opening lets his tailbone not touch anything.

-Lately been super into racist jokes and Andrew Tate style ideals. Not sure exactly the pinpoint it started from but have been trying to minimize the impact. Mostly been trying to have open discussions about it but mainly trying to make sure he doesn't take it too extreme. 

-I promise you, from the depths of my soul, that I am not saying this to cause trouble. It has been brought up and that is the ONLY reason I am relaying it. Please do not go do fun stuff with only *Our oldest son* and make *Our youngest son* go play with the littles. Even if you ask him, he is not going to be able to vocalize it to you. 

-Also about vocalizing, we are still working on his social anxiety. He doesn't love big crowded places or talking to strangers. Also, being put on the spot with questions that are difficult. Please just be patient with him in these situations.

-I have tried to take him clothes shopping multiple times. He just wants plain black, navy blue, or gray. We went to Kohl's, Target, and Walmart before he gave in to the 2 shirts and pair of shorts I bought him when he wasn't there, even though he doesn't like the shorts. Yes, they are too big because that was the size he used to wear, but they have a design. He wants everything absolutely plain. I've taken him shoe shopping to Dicks, Kohls, Target, and Shoe Carnival. I gave him no price restrictions and he left empty handed every time. We even looked on the Nike Website. He says he now wants plain Vans high tops yet when we found some, he didn't like them. Please know that his limited wardrobe options are not from a lack of offering but his pickiness like his with his food.

Both:

-Working on dental hygiene. *Our youngest son* is packing his brace flossers. 

-They have their wallets that have their ID and insurance cards.

-They are absolutely not allowed near TikTok, obviously. However, they have been trying to find loopholes such as Instagram stories, YouTube shorts, etc which are exactly the same thing when it comes to being uncensored and inappropriate. 

I think that's it for the basics and will reach out if I remember anything.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Have a min to call?)

If not, no worries. Just don't want to type it out. Its a thing that happened that I wanted you to be aware of.

From: Me

To: Him

I promise it’s important 

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Our youngest son’s medication refill)

I messaged his doc that he will need a refill soon and requested that it be sent to the same location as last time he filled it out there.

Will keep you posted.

 From: Me

To: Him

The nurse just messaged back and said she does not have the previous one saved. 

Where would you prefer they send it?

From: Him

To: Me

CVS in *his town*.

From: Me

To: Him

I did not see the message from his nurse until this morning. She said they could not send it but you could go in and request it to be transferred.

It is at Walmart *in our previous town*

From: Him

To: Me

*Attached a screen shot of an attempt to refill on Walmart website*

The prescription is done. Meaning, out of refills. I cannot refill this at Walmart here without his doctor refilling and changing the location. I see what the nurse has said, but she is incorrect. The doctor needs to refill this, then have it sent to Walmart in *his town*. I tried online and also called their pharmacy to confirm. 

From: Me 

To: Him

I sent your message to his doc and will keep you posted. 

From: Me 

To: Him

Also, I believe the doctor information is on the bottle if you want to reach out to them directly so you’ll have to wait for me.

It’s *Doctor’s name* at *Office name* in *our old town*

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* told me that he isn’t taking his medicine. 

Did you not also reach out to the doc to coordinate? I gave you the information so you wouldn’t have to wait on me being the middle man.

Please, that is the type of medicine that it is not good to just stop completely. Since you have the doctor’s number, the medicine bottle with you and all of the necessary information, please coordinate so *Our youngest son* can get back on the medication that he needs as soon as possible.

 From: Him

To: Me

I reached out. They will not even talk to me about *Our youngest son* or his meds. I’m not authorized to do anything. This is via email “contact us” and their phone. 

I have no access to his my chart either in which it could be done through as well. 

From: Me

To: Him

I wish you would have reached out about it earlier. I assumed that, since I suggested you reach out directly on 7/5 and hadn’t heard anything since, that you had it taken care of. My fault. Will call.

From: Him

To: Me

If you provide me with their my chart logins, this won’t be an issue, whenever they visit. Doesn’t need to be access to their medical records per-se, just the ability to order refills and change locations temporarily. 

From: Me

To: Him

The doctor is out until Thursday but she is going to have him call in the order then.

I’m not being petty but the only reason I haven’t done that is their MyChart login is our family login. When you do it, it is all 4 of our charts so it would include all of mine as well. 

I will stay on top of this and make sure I reach out first thing Thursday. 

From: Him

To: Me

That will work.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached screenshot of message from nurse that said it had been sent to the Walmart in his town*

I specifically requested the CVS like you said but I figured, at this point, let's just get it and be done.

I would confirm with the Walmart that they received it and it is in stock. If there are any other hiccups, please let me know.

From: Him

To: Me

No prob. They’re across the street from each other.

From: Him

To: Me

Checked with Walmart. They have the script on file here, but since it’s a class 2 narcotic, they have to order it. Once it arrives, they’ll text me and let me know to come pick it up. 

From: Me

To: Him

Oh geez I’m sorry. Glad it’s finally rolling!

From: Me

To: Him

I have a few updates and then questions.

Would definitely rather chat live about it because it’s going to be more of a discussion.

I feel like we need to do it sooner than later. Is there any way you can call me today for a few minutes?

From: Me 

To: Him

(Regarding our oldest son’s dual enrolled World History class)

*Attached test results*

Here is his score from his AP test

(Phone call to discuss our oldest son staying with his dad since I would only be 30 minutes away)

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: High School Comparisons and Child Support Total)

*Attached screenshots of the high school zoned by him and the one by our new house with their scores as well as a screenshot of the Child Support Website that showed the current arrears total)

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Our youngest son’s braces)

*Attached screenshot of appointment confirmation text*

I got him a transfer consult. It is on 8/1 at 2:30pm. I know we hadn’t talked about a date yet for him to come home so if I need to push this out I totally can. It was their first available afternoon appointment in August so it’s no biggie.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Boys new health insurance info)

*Attached screenshots of their enrollment as well as their individual cards*

I chose their provider that actually was associated to a major network that was close rather than a specific provider clinic.

If you look on *insurance website* and want me to attach a different one, just let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding our youngest son’s medication email chain from 6/26/23)

I just spoke to your pharmacy to have *Our youngest son’s* prescriptions all sent to our from *previous town* and *his town*. He said you never came in to pick up Dylan’s ADHD medicine. Has he been without it this whole time?

From: Him

To: Me

We were waiting on the order to come through. They sent the notification this morning that it was ready. Haven’t grabbed it yet. 

On that note, the message I got there is a $185 charge for this. Does he have insurance for this?

From: Him

To: Me

Gotcha. 

Medicaid won’t cover it but his other insurance well. The CHAMPVA.

From: Him

To: Me

How do I access that info, is there a card he has on him or something I can reference?

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from 1/30/23 with the boys’ ChampVA insurance cards*

From: Him

To: Me

Thanks. 

I know this has been a surprise move for them. They are dying to know where they are going to live. *Our oldest son* already is asking questions on where near *town near my parents*. 

We want to be a part of letting them know. This is a huge deal, for them to be moving closer to their dad. 

Can I tell them it will be in *our current state*, just not the exact location? Leave that part up to you?

From: Me

To: Him

How did he know anything about *town near my parents*??? I’m bummed that he found out *our current state* at all. It was supposed to be a surprise.

I totally get it. You can say its about half an hour away and I can reveal the specifics when I see them.

Is that ok?

From: Him

To: Me

That works. *Our oldest son* is smart. He’s been asking. We haven’t said anything yet. 

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding our youngest son’s medication still not being picked up yet)

I’ve been thinking about it. Since he’s gone so long without it, if you haven’t picked it up yet, let’s hold off. Once he established with the new PCP, we can have him go forward with them.

Is that ok?

From: Him

To: Me

Yep. That’ll work. I agree. Maybe they have something else or a new approach.

From: Me

To: Him

I haven’t heard from you about it but I went ahead and typed up some bullet points that we can mess around with until we like them regarding what we talked about. 

Either way, I feel that since we are so close and are able to be more collaborative in decisions, I would like to change the order to reflect joint custody. I want to run some other ideas passed you guys as well.

I’m not pushing, assuming, or rushing. Just giving us the chance to brainstorm and compromise. 

Will get it to you tonight. 

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: New PCP)

I went ahead and scheduled *Our youngest son* on 7/31 at 820am. Otherwise the next was the end of August at 9:30am. That being said, I didn't schedule *Our oldest son* for that one because I wasn't sure when school started and how we were handling things just yet.

So, for now, I have *Our youngest son* schedule to get established and *Our oldest son* still needs to be once everything is decided since it is over a month from now for their next availability.

From: Me

To: Him

So, I only told them that we are in *our current city* and confirmed what you had said about being 30 minutes away.

Since we are so close now, are you ok with meeting me halfway so I can grab *our youngest son* early? If not, totally get it. 

*Our oldest son* keeps asking about his room as well as all kinds of other stuff and I don’t know what to say. I’ve been staying super vague and telling him he will just have to wait and see (like the move out here). 

Aside from that, the order doesn’t pertain to that specifically. Have you had a chance to look it over and do you have any input or revisions? It’s a Google doc so just throw them in there and let me know. 

From: Him

To: Me

I talked to *our youngest son*. He is anxious to get back and see the new place. I told him you had scheduled some appointments soon and he could go back early if he wanted. He said yes, but he would want to come visit often since he’s close.

*Our oldest son* said he wanted to stay. I haven’t talked to him yet about living with him us. We are still figuring it all out. I put it to him hypothetically if he was given the opportunity, would he consider. He said yes. So, he’s bought in. 

I read over the doc, haven’t had a min to make any adjustments or suggestions. 

What day should I bring *our youngest son* to the meeting spot. Also; what is the meeting spot? I can probs do it this weekend sometime. 

From: Me

To: Him

Honestly don’t know where to meet. Let me see tomorrow what is halfway and then what is around there. This weekend is totally fine. 

No hurry on anything else. Was just touching base.

From: Me

To: Him

Lowe’s said the washer and dryer will be delivered tomorrow between 8a-8p so is Sunday ok?

I still have no idea what is halfway. My address is *current address*. Still trying to figure out but open if you find something. 

From: Him

To: Me

Sunday works. I’ve let *our youngest son* know.

From: Me

To: Him

Just wanted to touch base on this. I didn’t realize school started the 10th. If he is not going to stay with you guys, I need to start the process with the high school here.

From: Him

To: Me

Yes. We talked to *Our oldest son* and he does want to live with us and we have talked it over extensively on realistic expectations. Everything seems to be set on this. That being said;

We’d have to split the custody or however they word it so I can make decisions on his behalf. Get him insurance, enroll him in school and so on. 

I need all his documents to start this process. School starts out here August 11th. It’s going to be *his town* High. He wants to play football, so we are gonna to discuss this with the school when enrolling. What was his schools name so I can pull records to transfer over?

I agree and believe stopping child support is what needs to happen asap. Only because he’s staying with us and the bureaucracy of the system makes it take forever. 

I also think they are at the age where they can decide on when they want to visit. So we can establish the every other weekend for the “order” sake, but if *Our youngest son* doesn’t wanna come, we don’t need to make him. Same with *Our oldest son*, if he chooses to go, awesome. If not, so be it. Also, if they wanna visit on off times, I will always make accommodations for that to happen. Say, it’s not your weekend and you’ve talked and want him to come over, we are 100% on board with it. You guys aren’t limited on talking or visitation, ever. If he wants to hang or visit, I’ll make it happen. 

Do you have a dresser for *Our oldest son*? He’s still in a suitcase and we want to get him out of it asap.

We will be moving to a a larger house come November, this way *Our oldest son* has his own room. 

He seems very excited about this. Biggest thing, stopping support and obtaining documents. 

From: Me

To: Him

1. That is why I think it is best we change it to joint custody. That means we both have full legal rights in all of the decisions. I think we need this because that way it doesn’t matter who’s house they are at. This is also where it would be added that there would be no ordered visits or further child support owed. I don’t want to put in a “visitation order” because there is no need and why make a court order that will probably never be followed? No need to add restrictions or expectations if not necessary. I think the only real expectation should be cooperation with each other. 

2. I sent you his transcript. I can resend it if you need. He knows all of his schools.

3. I am going to try to go on Monday to get both of their CDIBs taken care. After that, I can give you his birth cert and SS card.

4. I think I already sent it but can again if you don’t have it, his immunizations and medical snapshot. I will submit to *previous doctor’s clinic* today to have everything be authorized to be released to you. 

5. *Our oldest son* broke his giant one before we left. He does not have one.

6. Are you moving within the same school district? I’m assuming so but wanted to confirm.

So…I will send the docs to you now and then reach out to Legal Shield and see if there’s a quick and easy way to word an agreed upon order revision. Thoughts?

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached our oldest son’s unofficial transcript*

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our oldest son’s* Chart Summary and Immunizations and Health Info

*Attached Chart Summary and Immunizations record*

Here is this for now. The shot records will suffice for registering in school.

I have him established at the PCP I sent you on his *Medicaid* Card. Do you want me to just leave that as it is and you take him? Do you want to change docs? Let me know how you want that to go.

When they do his first visit, it needs to be stressed that he was to see a GI specialist because of his stomach. He has fun bowel issues too. 

He definitely needs his inhaler if he's going to do football. 

The adenoid removal has helped *our oldest son’s* snoring tremendously but I still think he may have apnea. He needs to do a sleep study but refuses because of the electrodes needing to be placed. 

He gets his bad nose bleeds still (murder scene level). We had a follow up with his ENT doc about it but it wasn't until later. 

Medicaid covers eye exams and glasses once per year. His last exam was 2/16/23.

He has warts on his feet that do not bother him. We showed the doc and she said they were not a worry. Just keep an eye because he likes to pick and clip them and mess with them.

That's all I can think of right now. Reaching out to *his previous PCP* now to add you to his chart. 

From: Me

To: Him

*Insert screenshot to show that he was completely added to the chart*

From: Me

To: Him

We have plans to spend the day with *His/My Aunt* and them on the 2nd. I spoke to *Our oldest son* and he does want to go with us. Do you guys have plans that day or can I grab him? 

It’s going to be an early day though (like a 7am pickup). He said you leave for work early. Would you rather me grab him from somewhere else or swoop by and have him waiting outside for me? Time is flexible.

Plus, on the way back that evening, we will swing through the house and grab the rest of his stuff that is still here. 

What do you think?

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Thoughts on a sit down?)

There is a place here called *kids place*. It’s a place where the littles could play safely while we were able to sit down and have a conversation about everything.

*inserted kids place website link here*

It would be my treat (and will have lunch there too, if you want). Since I wasn’t able to participate with the conversation you guys had with *Our oldest son*, I would very much still like have a group conversation and make sure we are all on the same page.

I know the drive is far but it is big enough for them to love it but small enough for us to see it from sitting and still be able to chat. Trying to keep it just a casual conversation.

If you don’t feel comfortable like that, no worries. I do though really want to have the adults and *Our oldest son* in the same place at the same time for a convo.

Thoughts?

From: Him

To: Me

No problem. He told me about it and is excited to go visit. I don’t work that day, so you can swing by and I’ll have him come out and meet you. 

From: Him

To: Me

So yes, to answer your question on meeting. Totally fine, but time is running out in getting *Our oldest son* enrolled in school. Can we get his docs next week? I know your taking him weds, so when you drop him off? Also the motion to modify to change the custody and support, if you can draft it up so we can file it. I’m going to put down that I am his guardian to enroll pending the filing. After it’s drawn up and stuff, we can totally sit down with *Our oldest son* and talk about the whole thing. Hopefully it doesn’t take forever like it used to.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached screenshot of my email not being able to reply*

Can you call?

From: Him

To: Me

I’m in meetings all day at work. I have access to email though. Lemme know

From: Me

To: Him

My email on my phone is acting up and won’t be home today. Just call when you can.

From: Him

To: Me

Ok. I’ll call when I’m off.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached screenshot of the voicemail transcription from our oldest son’s dermatologist office asking to schedule an appointment so he can continue his acne medication.*

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from youngest son’s new school regarding his new school year enrollment*

*Our oldest son* told me about the program and grant you did for your littles and it sounded great. I loved that there was the one-on-one addon that the other program we were doing didn’t have.

You are listed as other parent and emergency contact with your mailing address, phone, email, etc.

From: Me

To: Him

I’m sorry. I have not gotten to it. 

Going to be 100% honest. The main reason that I moved back to *our current state* is because my mom has dementia. We spent the day with her yesterday and it was very hard for me.

I will buckle down and have the paperwork for at least the child support and transfer to *our nearest major city* submitted Friday. That I can do on my own and does not need your signature on.

Will work on the joint custody agreement as well and get you sent over a rough draft as soon as I can.

From: Him

To: Me

I know you said you’d work on this soon, but just wanted to confirm the basics. 

You are allowing *Our oldest son* to live with me, permanently? We will change custody when the paperwork is filed. 

You are also removing child support going forward? Since you’ll have *Our youngest son” and I’ll have “Our oldest son”; we will remove support. 

Insurance will be through Indian Affairs, champva?

Open visitation?  Nothing scheduled, just allowing the boys to decide what they want to do in regards to visiting.

I just need to verify because we are going to enroll him in school this week and making some drastic changes to accommodate the new living situation.

From: Me

To: Him

All of that. Yes

From: Me

To: Him

It was no new accruing child support, just paying off the arrears

From: Him

To: Me

I appreciate you getting the location changed and support stopped. I am going to be very honest and blunt, not being a jerk, but this is very expensive.

I am not going to be able to pay arrears with *Our oldest son* living with us. I know there is a balance, but *Our oldest son’s* livelihood is going to be over the $500 swing in child support. We have to buy him school clothes, football uniforms and such.

You are requesting to claim him for 2023 on taxes isn't really fair. We would technically have had him longer this calendar year. Then to pay monthly arrears on top of that? 

Also, we do plan on moving into a larger house, which is also more money. We were going to hold off, but with *Our oldest son* moving in, it became an immanent task. He can't sleep on our living room floor forever, it's not fair to him. I know he said he is ok with doing that, but he's 15. He needs his own personal space. Temporarily, sure...all is good. For the long run, he needs his own room. 

Also, since he is living with us, the child support is still being deducted from my checks. We have had him since the last week of June, so that's quite a bit of support being paid when we have him. The judge signing the paperwork is going to take months. With that, after the order is signed, it still doesn't go into effect until the 1st day of the next calendar month.  We need to figure out a way to get that money back to *Our oldest son* for his living expenses. 

I really didn't know any other way to say this, and again, not being a jerk, but we need to figure something out. Fast. If you could work with me on these, I think we could salvage what we are setting in place for *Our oldest son*. Football starts Monday, and school starts the 11th.

Let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our oldest son* is expensive. Now you can appreciate why I would get so upset when you would go so long paying $0. Him on the floor in the living room is YOUR choice. It is a 3 bedroom with a garage. If he is where he is, that has nothing to do with me. I’ve had the baby in my room, I’ve given the kids the bedrooms while I converted our dining room into a bedroom, etc. Again, I’m sorry you are in a hard spot but all parents have been there. Sometimes we give up our comforts for our kids.

I have had to compromise and make due for a very long time. I have hundreds of emails saved where I sounded just like the message you sent and even more desperate in begging for help*Our oldest daughter* had to have her braces stopped once the process was started because I didn’t get help. *Our oldest son* played 2 years of football, *Our oldest daughter* did many years of dance, traveling and competitions, both boys played baseball multiple years, *Our youngest son* played soccer 2 years, and that’s just the teams. I am very aware with how expensive sports are. I am out here and it is convenient for everyone. I am open and hopeful for a healthy co-parenting relationship that will be beneficial to the children. However, that being said, please know that things sucked for a very long time for the kiddos because you weren’t there and refused to help. I am healthy and healing but, let’s be honest, I’m a human and still a ways off from going out of my way to help more than actually needed. So, this is what I feel makes the most sense for what is genuinely a need and not a convenience:

1. The child support you are ordered for both boys is only $166.86 per month based on our income (which has since changed for both of us). You are also supplementing with DoorDash which is not being pulled from. I am not going to argue about less than $200 when it balances on your end. The amount bringing it up to the $500 (which you have yet to make consistently since the order) is to try to finally get a zero outstanding back balance. The arrears are owed. I’ve waived over $10k to compromise. That’s more than fair. I agree it doesn’t make sense for it to continue to accrue. I am open to how you would like to take cared of them. We talked about it briefly but you haven’t offered any options yet.

*Inserted a screenshot here of the last 5 months of child support payments where only one month was paid in full. The other 4 were either short or zero*

2. I am claiming *Our oldest son* this year on taxes. He flew out a couple of days for his vacation early. It was almost a month later before we started discussing any permanent changes. You would’ve typically paid support for the month of July any way so us correcting it now is not unreasonable.

I’m not trying to be hateful either. I’m sorry it’s tight. That is why I wanted you and *Her* to discuss first and we all come to an agreement before *Our oldest son* was talked to. I do not want this to be uncomfortable for him and yesterday afternoon with his stuff made me feel it a hint of it. 

All I need now is a plan from you on how to word arrear payments and I can finish up the rough draft for you to look over.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from NSHSS regarding college scholarships*

I had this saved. *Our oldest son* really wants to do this.

From: Me

To: Him

We had our consult this morning. This is what his braces are looking like. 

These numbers do not include the amount that I already paid *previous orthodontist*.

I am paying the down payment Sept 1st and his first appointment is 10/5.

*Attached Payment Options that were provided*

From: Me

To: Him

I wanted to touch base with again and invite you to add any notes you would like to the original order revision list I sent you on 7/19 (after our initial conversation about this possible arrangement on 7/18):

*inserted link to shared Google doc*

This is a space where we can both make adjustments to have the final doc in a shared place. You were already made editor when the link was originally shared.

From: Me

To: Him

I’ve thought about it and while you know that I have shown *our oldest son* our messages in the past, I would like to discuss his recent reaction. 

As I’m sure you know, *our oldest son* reached out to me last night about his concern regarding child support. One of the first things he asked, which is what made me react as I did, was why I wasn’t “paying back July”. He also asked me why I was changing my stance on child support. If he was really sat down and shown all of the emails by you and *her*  like he said, it would have been clear my consistency since I suggested these new changes. I’m confused where he would have been shown contradictory information.

I’m worried that he felt so strongly that he needed to reach out to me about it. In all of the years and instances that he had been made aware of child support challenges, he never once felt he had to “stew” and reach out to you in hopes of getting you to pay. I’m not sure how it was presented on your end, but the fact that he felt he had to make that call means he had to feel very uncomfortable. How can we come together and make sure this doesn’t happen again?

Finally, since it would be in everyone’s best interest to get these changes ironed out and finalized, it would be helpful to have us to just down and knock it out rather than dragging out for days over email. When you are ready, let’s just get this done and move on so the dust can settle.

From: Me

To: Him

I started the packet. Please see attached and let me know.

*attached 27 page packet that included the Motion to Modify Child Support, Order for Hearing on Motion to Modify Child Support, Notice of Child Support Proceedings, Affidavit of Service by Certified Mail, Waiver of Service, and Order Modifying Child Support which I had created and completed*

From: Me

To: Him

I am having a hard time finding the proper form online. It keeps routing me to this one but I don't think it looks correct. I will keep looking but I went ahead and completed it so we at least had a starting point.

*Attached 4 page Motion to Modify Custody that was completed*

From: Him

To: Me

Go ahead and move forward with it. 

-0 acccruing child support as of Aug 1st. 

-Claim *Our oldest son* for 2023. We will claim thereafter

-I am *Our oldest son’s* primary custodian 

-You are *Our youngest son’s* primary

-My address is *Our oldest son’s* primary address

-$100 a month to arrears till paid in full. (You’ll need to check before filing, every 2 weeks it goes down). 

-*Our oldest son* lives with us until he is 18. 

-*Our youngest son* lives with you until he’s 18. 

-Cannot be removed from school without both in agreement for any child. 

-No visitation schedule, open agreement. 

-I will get boys on IHS medical. I’ll return *Our youngest son’s* docs when done. 

-we have open contact with the boys. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son* for your birthday?

I wanted to check before I made plans for that weekend. *Our oldest son* had mentioned that there might be things planned and *our youngest son* said he would love to be part of it.

From: Me

To: Him

(Subject: Our oldest son’s Dermatology Clinic)

*Attached screenshot of message sent to clinic confirming they have his father’s information*

They left another voicemail again, asking about his refills.

I sent them a secure message this time, rather than call back, to make sure it was actually saved in his chart

From: Him

To: Me

We don’t have anything in stone, but would like *our youngest son* to come hang if he wants to. I could pick him up 25th and take him home 27th or 28th

From: Me

To: Him

Is Friday afternoon to anytime Sunday (since school will have started) ok?

If *She* wants to grab him at some point before then for him to get you a present, that's totally fine. 

From: Me

To: Him

I just wanted to give you an update:

I have talked to 2 different court clerks and I am confident that *this state* is stupid. They are zero help and just keep saying that the only way to proceed is with attorneys.

*My previous state* literally just had a form for me to fill out and submit, transferring it to be enforced out there. 

I reached out to Legal Shield and my *closest major city* attorney is helping me with the forms to transfer venues on Monday. By then, I will have the forms I sent you corrected to the *closest major city* location.

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: FNAF Movie 10/27

*Our youngest son* is obsessed with seeing this movie. I promised him he can go right when it comes out.

I know he talked to *our oldest son* in the last week or so about it and they want to go together. 

I just wanted to throw this on your radar. Doesn’t matter who takes them or anything as long as it happens for him.

From: Him

To: Me

*attached a copy of our oldest son’s school schedule*

Any word on the paperwork?

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded emailed receipt for enrolling our youngest son in soccer for the new season*

Dylan is doing Fall Soccer. Will forward you the info as we receive it.

From: Me

To: Him

*attached screenshot from my LegalShield confirmation of opened request*

Not yet. Still working on it in between appointments. We have 6 this week alone plus an ER to overnight hospital stay on Monday.

Working on the venue transfer.

From: Me

To: Him

I reached out to my attorney (*attorney’s name and law firm*) twice. She said that *this state* is a state that typically doesn't do premade easy forms. What needs to be filed is both a Motion to Transfer and an Order to Transfer. Since she is not going to be an active attorney in the new filings that we are about to do, she cannot do the forms for me. Unfortunately, this is where I am stuck. I have found a few examples from out of state that I think I can rewrite and use. Most of them are for ongoing proceedings or not relevant to our case. I will try to get it taken care of this weekend however, if you are able to find one that looks usable before then, I am totally open. 

From: Him

To: Me

I’ll look on my end as well. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: CDIBs

I wanted to follow up and see if you had submitted these so I can get Dyl’s documents from you next weekend when he goes.

From: Me

To: Him

Here is what I have. I think it is ready. 

*attached zip file containing 4 files titled Modify Custody, Order to Change Venue, Revised Child Support Modification, and Transfer of Venue Motion*

From: Me

To: Him

*Replying on email from 8/11 regarding our youngest son for his birthday*

Just wanted to follow up on this

From: Him

To: Me

Yes, if he would like to come hang out, we’d love to have him visit. I can pick him up tomorrow at a meeting place. 

From: Me

To: Him

I have to be at the Social Security Office tomorrow morning at 9am, if you want to meet there. 

*Inserted address for SS office*

Were you able to drop off the paperwork for his CDIB? If so, will you bring his docs.

From: Me

To: Him

Is it a safe assumption that since *our oldest son* is a sophomore that he is on the JV team?

I want to double check because I know Varsity has a game next weekend and I don’t want to miss it if he’s going to be playing.

From: Him

To: Me

So, with the very limited practice *our oldest son* has, he’s most def going to be JV. Which color, I don’t know yet. The coach hasn’t specified which one. He received his pads last week; so only has 2-3 legit contact practices under his belt. May be a few games before he sees playing time. This team has been practicing since January together. As soon as we find out, we will let you know. 

From: Me

To: Him

So, *our youngest son* came to me and asked if he could stay home this weekend. I told him that if you ask me why, I am going to direct you to ask him and he said Ok.

From: Him

To: Me

No worries. Again, if they aren’t feeling it, it’s ok. I don’t want this to be a pressured thing. All good.

From: Me

To: Him

I’m sorry. I think it’s the overnight that is daunting (but am totally speculating and he has not said this specifically). I told him to just reach out and see what your plans were or anything but he doesn’t really start conversations like that well. 

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded the email chain between our youngest son’s principal, teacher, and program director*

We have been coordinating with Ashley in *his school’s* Gifted and Talented Program for *Our youngest son*. We have all decided that this would be the best route for him to excel and be successful:

• This year he is going to take his 8th grade *school’s* Core Classes (even though he took the advanced version of these last year) because it is required
• He is going to ALSO take 9th grade classes. Even though they are "Core Classes", since he is not a freshman yet, they will not count toward his graduation credits in these subjects; however, they will count as Elective credits.
• Our plan is for him to fast track with advanced classes both his freshman and sophomore year, doubling up on classes so he can get his diploma early. Then, his "junior" and "senior" year, he will be applying for the *school’s* Collegiate Academy. 
• After that, he wants to go to the Air Force Academy to continue.

(side note…*Our youngest son* is EATING UP that if he buckles down and commits, that he will graduate at the same time as *Our oldest son*)

From: Him

To: Me

Just wanted to check on the status of this. I saw the info on *our youngest son*, which is great. 

Please let me know what’s needed on my end. If I need to sign or whatever. 

From: Me 

To: Him

I'm going to be completely honest with you, since school started and an increase in appointments, I have not had 2 seconds to even think about the forms since I sent them to you to look over. I have another ultrasound and possible biopsy on Thursday for my kidney as well as an outpatient procedure next week. *Our youngest son* also has his ENT and Ortho consults as well as their soccer practices, Kidstrong classes, chess club, astronomy club, as well as numerous other appointments. We literally have something every single day except Sundays, which I refuse to make plans on. It would probably be much faster if you just swap my name for yours as the filer so you can just take them in. I don't mind doing it as soon as I can but I cannot commit to a day right now. I can try to swap our names on the forms tonight if you want and shoot them over to you tonight before bed. 

From: Him

To: Me

Ok. I’ll swap names. Can you forward me the email with the docs? I went through my email and didn’t see anything. I checked spam too, no clue where it could have gone. 

From: Me

To: Him

I appreciate you dropping them off.

From: Me

To: Him

I just wanted to follow up and see if you had been able to drop off the CDIB stuff yet. I wanted to see if there was a time we could set up for me to pick up *our youngest son’s* documents.

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *our youngest son’s* ENT Consult

*Attached doctor’s note from visit*

From: Me

To: Him

I wanted to follow up on this and see if you were able to get him the GI, ENT, and possibly sleep referral and who is PCP is (or are you using the one I set him up with?).

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son’s* Ortho Consult

*Attached note from doctor visit, copy of the x-ray, and receipt for the cushion we had been using from Amazon*

*Our youngest son* has a hooked coccyx. They are going to amend his visit to include his diagnosis of Anterior Angulation of the Coccyx as well as the Coccydynia. They are waiting to see what Level it is classified as (https://radiopaedia.org/articles/anterior-angulation-of-the-coccyx).

Unfortunately, they are saying that it is either pain meds, injections, or surgery to remove it. The pain pills haven't worked (and I do not want him to be on long term pain medicine, even if it is only OTC), *Our youngest son* is terrified of needles so this is never going to be an option, and removing this section of tailbone comes with all of the other expected risks. 

Although he is super discouraged of the long-term look of this, he is so relieved because we were told that:

"No one is sure, but some believe that when a coccyx hooks, it tugs on the dural membrane via the filum terminale, a long, slender connective tissue strand that terminates at the end of the spinal cord (Fig. 5). This, in turn, is believed to cause dural drag, loss of cerebrospinal fluid flow, and resultant CNS irritation. Difficulty sitting for any length of time, problems with sex, urination, PMS, bed wetting, digestion and extreme sensitivity to light also raise red warning flags of possible coccyx dysfunction, i.e. coccydynia."

We are now thinking that the bedwetting might be attributed to his hooked tailbone. We have scheduled a follow up and are going to inquire. 

So, it was a good news and bad news appointment.

That being said, when he is over there, he does need a cushion to sit on whether it be in the car, at the table, on the couch, anything. I attached a pic of the one I bought that he uses here. It is literally like his cell phone. He carries it with him everywhere we go.

Will keep you posted.

From: Him

To: Me

Wow. Poor guy. This might also explain his pelvic or abdominal pain he was talking about. We couldn’t figure out if it was GI related or something else. Lemme know what you find out. And absolutely, we will keep cushions available. He likes sitting on the floor for some reason, so we will stop that as well. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son’s* Chess Club

*Attached a screenshot of his current match and score*

He is in the middle of a virtual tournament right now. He is in 1st and undefeated after 3 games.

He’s Prismatic (that’s his new username thing… “Prismatic”everything).

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from school regarding “Gifted Gathering” in the city between where we both live. This was a fun event for the students in the Gifted and Talented program.*

Dyl is signed up for the Thursday 9/21 from 1p-2:30p session. I wanted to offer if you wanted to go with him. No pressure, just wanted to let you know it was available. I can drop him off and pick him up there.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from the Native American department at the school requesting proof of his eligibility*

I wanted to follow up again on where we are with the CDIB application. Were you able to drop it off and do you know about when so I can let her know?

From: Me

To: Him

I'm not sure if you saw my other email but the Gifted and Talented Program thing is meeting on Wednesday 9/21 from 1p-230p in *closest major city* (location in that email). If you wanted to attend with him, I can drop off and pickup at the location.

Also, next Saturday 9/23 at 10am in *closest major city* (*address and room number*), is an in-person meet for his Chess Club. I can also drop off and pickup at the location.

Please let me know soon so I can plan accordingly.

From: Him

To: Me

I did read your email. Unfortunately I work that day, or else I’d love to participate. Keep me posted on upcoming events too. Hopefully I can make a few. 

I never was able to find the time to drop off the CDIB info. I can get the docs back to you though if you need them. I’m hoping this weds, I’ll be able to take care of some paperwork errands. 

From: Me

To: Him

Totally no worries about either. 

I get it about your schedule and will just keep sending the info your way.

About the CDIB, I was able to send them a copy of yours with his birth certificate and they are able to use that.

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: Child Support Idea

So I think I've come up with a way to make it make sense right now. I was going to submit the receipts for *our youngest son’s* braces to *child support office* but instead I think the following would be better for you.

For *our youngest son’s* braces from *previous orthodontics*, I paid a total of $1,076 before we transferred out here ($500 deposit with $144 for March-June). During that time, you were required to pay half, which is $538.00.

Currently, the court ordered actual child support is only $166.86, with the rest going towards arrears (which we already agreed were going to happen any way). So, instead of looking at it like you are overpaying me each month by $166.86, we could apply that toward the balance owed for his braces. That's a little over 3 months of the child support total you are paying now, which would cover August, September and October. 

*Please know that I am only referring to the $166.86 that is ordered. The rest, that is going towards the arrears ($461.72-$166.86=$294.86), we already spoke of pausing and you making payments as you could towards only the total balance owed, not on a schedule. I was suggesting keeping the $166.86 to end November 1 which would cover the back braces.

Just a thought, wanted to put it on the table and see what you thought.

*inserted screenshot of what his current arrears total was per the child support website*

From: Me

To: Him

I just wanted to follow up on this and see if you had a chance to look it over. If you haven't submitted the paperwork yet, you could work this into it if it made you feel better.

Let me know what you think. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our oldest son’s* Phone Service

*Our oldest son* disconnected from my shared Apple family plan last month. I was going to fix it with billing as well but was waiting to hear from you.

Please let me know when you have it situated so it can be moved over.

From: Me

To: Him

While I appreciate how quickly you respond to the positive or informative emails, I am frustrated that you completely disregard anything of financial. I do not ask things that are inappropriate or not my business. I am staying respectful in how I present it. I am trying very hard for this co-parenting to stay on track and as productive as it's been. Please meet me halfway.

If you don't have an answer, you're thinking about it, have a better idea, anything. But totally ignoring only the emails about money is not fair since it affects us both. 

My idea for applying your recent child support payments towards Dylan's braces that you owe, rather than me submitting to DHS, I thought was a fair compromise. If you don't agree, just tell me and we can come up with something else.

As for Bubs phone, since it is already no longer connected to my family plan and he is living with you, it would make sense that he would go on your family's plan. If you disagree, prefer to wait, not sure when you can switch, or whatever the case may be, just let me know. 

Just keep the communication open. Please.

*Attached email regarding our oldest son’s phone and the email of the child support ideas*

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our oldest son’s* Birthday

Since it is 6 weeks away, and his 16th, I would like to start coordinating our plans earlier than later.

No pressure, just didn't want to step on your toes when trying to plan.

From: Him

To: Me

Subject: Child Support

That’s fine. The plan of stopping it as if Nov 1 2023. 

As for *our oldest son’s* birthday. We don’t have anything locked in. I asked him and he didn’t say much. You may want to reach out to him directly. I do know he still wants to see the Freddie’s movie. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son’s* ENT Visit 10.09.23

*Attached doctor’s note from visit*

They found the following but we agreed to hold off on surgery until he gets older and observe.

From: Me

To: Him

(Replying to child support email from 10/5)

Sounds good. 

I will have his phone scheduled to switch to your account on the first as well. 

From: Me

To: Him

I'm confused. Our court case doesn't show anything new filed and *child support office* office didn't know what I was talking about when I asked about it. Who is stopping it as of 11/1? 

From: Me

To: Him

We started *our youngest son’s* new braces plan today. It was more in-depth than when we started in *our previous state*.

For some reason they don't do treatment plans so I just took notes. I won't send you any more updates unless the plan changes.

• Treatment for another 24 months
• Working to fix overbite
  • Spacers put in already
  • Had his bands put in today 
  • At Stage 4 (currently Stage 2), in about 12-16 weeks, they will start doing elastic wear (the rubber bands). If the rubber bands keep popping off or not being worn (like with *our oldest son*), they are going to need to put in forces (metal springs that do not come off). These are a last resort.

Since you are going to file the new documents, that would make me solely financially responsible for this. I'm just including it now, since it hasn't been filed, so that you are aware. I paid a $500 deposit this morning (can send receipt if you need it) and then this is the ongoing contract regarding the automatic payments. 

*attached copy of Recurrying Payment Plan agreement for automatic withdrawal from my bank account*

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

My phone number has changed from *previous phone number* to *current phone number*.

I have updated it on *child support portal* as well

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: Halloween

*Our youngest son* said that *our oldest son* invited him to do a Ouija Board in a graveyard. I am trying to coordinate plans that I have in place already so if you would let me know the plan and times as soon as possible, I would greatly appreciate it.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email with phone number change that was sent to child support office*

Forgot to cc you below

From: Him

To: Me

I think that was preemptive. We had plans to do some cool things,  but looks like we will be moving around those days,  so we may not do anything at all other than trick or treat. Moving probably further into *his current town* near *our oldest son’s* school, but I’ll keep you posted. Go ahead and make your plans, unless *our youngest son* wants to come trick or treat with us.

From: Me

To: Him

I spoke to *our youngest son*. He is going to join our group *out of town* that day. Thank you for the invite.

From: Me

To: Him

(reply to FNAF Movie email from 8/12 at 11:25 am)

I wanted to touch base with you on this again. I know the boys have been talking about it.

That day, *our youngest son* has his Gifted Meeting at *location and address* from 1pm-230pm. I can drop him off if you want to pick him up from there so you don't have to drive all the way here twice.

Just let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* just said that *our oldest son* told him he didn’t have money to do the movie tomorrow. It can be streamed on Peacock (which we subscribe to) so *our youngest son* and I are going to watch it at home.

From: School 504 Specialist

To: Me, Him

Hello

I’ve put us on the schedule and sent invites for Tuesday, November 28th at 11:30 a.m. to have *Our oldest son’s* Incoming 504 meeting via phone conference. (No Video) The phone conference is scheduled for 30 minutes but usually doesn’t take the entire time scheduled. Hope this time works for everyone?

When responding please make sure you RESPOND ALL-- so we are all able to see when everyone is available.  

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our oldest son’s* High School

The high school just called me about a records request from *a different town’s* High School. She said that nobody has disenrolled him or turned in his chromebook and charger. She said to please let her know about these and then she will send his records over.

I was also notified about his failing grade(s). 

From: Him

To: Me

Already spoke to them. 

He has no failing grades actually. 3 As 3 Bs and a C. Don’t know what they’re talking about. Doesn’t matter because he won’t be there any longer. He will be attending *different town* North High. 8/10 school rating. About 2 miles from our house. 

I’m updating online through CCS, new address

*His new address*

Thanks!

From: Me

To: Him

 *inserted screen shot of text message from school saying he currently had a D or F in one or more classes* 

No worries. Was just sent this and then was talked about with the office. I figured you were already aware but wanted to make sure we both had the same info.

Thank you for the address.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son’s* indoor soccer starts this weekend. There is a 2 week overlap where he will be in both leagues.

That being said, please let me know what you guys are doing for *our oldest son’s* birthday so we can coordinate with his coaches. 

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son’s* Indoor Soccer

This is his first season trying this out and we are excited that it means there will be no gap in seasons during the year. 

However, as you know he is Autistic and has some of the typical sensitivities. That being said, he has voiced how nervous he is with how loud and enclosed it might be. 

Just wanted to relay that so maybe you could reach out with some words of encouragement without letting him know you know.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from Spanish teacher where she explains she cannot be at the 504 meeting but explains how amazing he’s doing and that her daughter and husband are Autistic*

I wanted to follow up with you on this and see if you were planning on attending. If so, I would like to discuss with you first his current 504, some of the changes that his current principle and I have discussed, as well as proposed ideas/solutions.

I would like you to be present as this is very important to *Our youngest son* and we have been trying to include you on his Autism appointments/videos, 504 meetings, requests for calls/emails to discuss/brainstorm, etc since diagnosis. *Our youngest son* is aware that I have been reaching out to you regarding these meetings in *previous state* and here, as well as a few other times that I have asked you to talk to him about important things that you didn't know about. For example, I messaged on Friday afternoon about his upcoming soccer. He had practice that night and then a game yesterday with this new team in a pretty much new sport (it is VERY different from normal soccer). These are the things I was referencing when I was told he was super nervous for many reasons, some of which was the Autism side of it with unknowns, crowds, sounds, etc. I have been trying for a very long time over multiple emails to have a discussion with you about issues I am facing and working through with *Our youngest son* in regards to his Autism and ADHD (for example, there was a very detailed one with me really needing your help and input in April of this year). If we are going to "co-parent", especially on major things that involve BOTH boys, it's not ok to simply ignore things like this. I've emailed like this a few times and have not received a response. It wasn't until the end of July when I really pushed for a phone call before his visit to *our state* that you finally had a brief conversation on the phone with me.

I understand that you are busy but *Our youngest son* matters and he needs to feel like you think he matters. He doesn't like texting. He doesn't like sitting on the phone. He doesn't like spending the night. None of those are personal to you, they are just his introverted preferences. That being said, let's be honest and confirm that he does have an issue with *Her*; however, it is you who are his father and the one he wants to spend time with. It shouldn't be with *Her* or nothing. This doesn't mean you can't send a message every now and then so he at least knows that he crosses your mind. Trust me, he notices. Please, find a way to connect with him that is not those things though. I make sure you are aware of his likes, the clubs he is in, his long term goals, etc. Plenty to find some common ground on. Just because it is not as convenient, doesn't mean you shouldn't try anything. Pick him up for dinner. Take him to a movie. We are literally only 16 miles away, and have been for the last 4 months now. There is no excuse or being "too busy". I give as much notice as I can for things that are important to him (unlike the radio silence I got regarding *Our oldest son’s*' football, change of school, grades, answer to my health questions, etc.). As much as you stood firm by the fact that *Our oldest son* should move in with you because they need their dad in their life, that includes *Our youngest son*.

So, please let me know if you are attending and when we can catch up about it and compare notes, as you should be an active participant. The internet is free. And please try to coordinate something with *Our youngest son*.

I'm sorry if this email seems short and snippy. I wrote this yesterday because *Our youngest son*l said when the last time you texted him was and, even though I stand behind every single thing I said, it is blunt but I'm not going to rewrite it. I'm not trying to cause trouble or a fight. I just really really really need you to put more effort into *Our youngest son*. I don't know how much harder it is to stress this. 

From: Me

To: Oldest son’s high school registrar 

(The previous high school had the wrong forwarding high school so this was not the correct contact)

*Attached copy of my drivers license, his birth certificate, and most recent court order*

Good morning,

My son recently transferred from *previous town* High School. I am his mother and still have full custody. I have agreed to let him live with his father with the stipulation that both he and I are *Our oldest son’s* emergency contacts and I am informed of everything.

I wanted to be sure you had my complete information for this:

*My name*

*My address*

*My phone number*

I would like to be included on all automated text messages as well.

Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me regarding this.

Thank you so much,

*My name*

From: Me

To: Him

Please send me a copy of his schedule.

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: Thanksgiving

Please let me know what the plan is as I am more than likely heading out of state. Wanted to give *our youngest son* the option.

From: Me

To: Him

Today is *our oldest son’s* birthday and I haven’t heard anything from you still. Are you not going to include *our youngest son* at all?

From: Him

To: Me

We are just doing gifts for *our oldest son* today, since it’s a school night. We are going to do something bigger towards the end of the month. We talked and agreed to get his 16th and *his youngest son’s* 5th and combine for something fun. *Our youngest son* can absolutely come. I’ll send you a date as soon as we have it. 

As for thanksgiving. Again, nothing is happening here. I work everyday except thanksgiving. It’s not going to be a super awesome time. But, Xmas will be different. He can; and we’d like him to come stay for some time with us during Xmas break. If he wants to that is. 

From: Me

To: Him

Totally understand. He and I assumed a family dinner because that's what we did when parties weren't planned right then. Totally presumptuous but not on purpose. Please reach out to *our youngest son* with it.

Also get it about Thanksgiving. It really is just a family dinner which can be had any day.

As for Christmas break, please reach out to him about how he feels. Take him out for a bit and talk in person about it. Texting and phone calls won’t be as effective. Please. I don’t know how to stress this any harder. 

Please also let me know about the 504 meeting. Ample time for you to plan and schedule it to not miss it.

From: Me

To: Oldest son’s correct new high school registrar

*Forwarded previous email*

Good afternoon,

Per my voicemail, I wanted to follow up on my request below. I would like to make sure that my information is included. I would also like a copy of his schedule, to be included on all text/calls/automated alerts, and anything else pertinent to *Our oldest son*. If/when our divorce order changes, I will submit it.

Thank you so much,

*Me*

*My address*

*My phone number*

From: Oldest son’s new high school office

To: Me

(Regarding oldest son’s parent portal for school)

I have added your information to *Our oldest son’s* account

From: Me

To: Him

I have asked the following. *Our youngest son* and I are waiting on this:

• You said you were doing *our oldest son’s* birthday at the end of this month. What is the info for that.
• Christmas break is 12/21-1/5. You had mentioned about *our youngest son* coming there during the break. Please let me know the exact plans you are wanting to do so *our youngest son* and I can coordinate.
• MOST IMPORTANTLY - *Our youngest son’s* 504 meeting is in 1 week. I need you to let me know what day you are available before then so we can go over his current 504 plans and brainstorm ideas to present during the zoom.

Please do not leave us hanging on these.

From: Me

To: Him

I tried. You've made your priorities crystal clear when it comes to co-parenting and I know it is not my responsibility to try to get you to do something that you don't choose. 

That being said, even though it's inconvenient for you, you do have a third child with me. *Our youngest son* does exist and deserve as much attention and love as all of your others. He deserves the support of a father in not just the easy times but also during the hard, even when you are busy.

*Our youngest son’s* also is fully aware and helped me properly word those unanswered emails since I didn't want to relay him inaccurately.

So, since you won't continue to actively and healthily co-parent, per our previous agreement, I will not continue to try and force it.

I've provided the dates. Please reach out to *our youngest son* about Christmas.

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Our youngest son’s* Christmas List

Here is what *our youngest son* added to his Christmas Wishlist for you and your family to help with ideas for him.

*Inserted link to his list on Amazon*

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: *Oldest son’s* New Phone Number

It’s been over a month. 

Please send it.

Thank you.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from school saying oldest son is failing his Spanish 2 class*

From: Me

To: Him

(Replied to CDIB email from 8/19 at 10:04 am)

Wanted to check the status.

Either way, please send *our youngest son* home with his documents after he comes over for Christmas. Please do not forget.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded automated email from school regarding our oldest son’s failing grades*

From: Him

To: Me

*Attached a screenshot of grade from parent portal*

He talked to his counselor. He has a B in the class. Looks like a admin error.

From: Me

To: Him

Looks like she graded a bunch of missing assignments yesterday .

Was just forwarding on what I receive when I do.

From: Him

To: Me

We got Dylan the inline drift skates and also his art set from his list, and other things that were not. Just a heads up. 

From: Me

To: Him

Perfect because I got him these 

*attached picture of his rollerblades*

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from our youngest son’s soccer team*

His practice and game schedule for this week just got sent over this morning. I have 2 questions:

1. Would you rather meet him there in OKC at 4:15pm so you can watch his practice and then take him home after? Or would you prefer to leave it as is to pickup from *kids place*? Either way works for us. He is ok to miss practice if needed.

2. He does have a game Saturday. I wanted to see if it could still be arranged so he doesn't miss it. If absolutely not, I understand and will let them know. Just wanted to ask if it was an option.

From: Him

To: Me

*Kids place*, because of prior scheduling. 

As for Saturday, I’d ask that he miss this one. Only because we only have 1 full day with everyone schedules working together to be able to do an early Xmas. 

Thanks for reaching out. 

From: Me

To: Him

I will let them know

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: Thank you

From: Him

To: Me

I hope *our youngest son* had fun. He seemed to. I hope this lets him see visiting us in small doses is fun and not an obligation. I’ll keep texting him to encourage more visits. 

From: Me

To: Him

I didn't have a chance to send more than that at that moment but I wanted to expand on it now.

About texting - just text him about anything, always. He won't always see them for a while, he really never looks at his phone. But when he does, he's quick to let me know that you or *our oldest son* or *our daughter* has texted. I promise you on everything that I am not exaggerating. Even if he doesn't reply, please give him grace on that and don't pull back. He's not the best at communication, let alone written. Just stay present. 

As much as *our youngest son* was aware that I have been quick to reach out when I feel things are being handled poorly, I want him to also know that I am working on making sure I do the same when it goes well.

That being said:

• Thank you so much for the birth certificate and social security card. It was super important and you remembered and made sure it happened, which you did.
• I appreciate your coordination at picking up and dropping him off. We had an open and compromising discussion about the locations as well as his practice and his game.
• The visit was absolutely what he needed. I agree that the small doses are going to make it much easier for him. 
• The presents were perfect. I'm not being petty, but I'm going to be honest...there were a few years in a row that you guys got him a drone which he never opened any. However, this year, he felt seen and heard, like you understood him and what he was into and wanted. As he brought me in to his room to go over everything he was given, he was so stoked. It's not about the presents, but the thought you put behind them that were specific to him. That actually meant way more than anything and was big. I saw it and there are no words for me to say how meaningful it was for him to describe it all with such a spark in his eye. Thank you isn't enough. 
• This visit he felt part of the family. I know that sounds silly or probably dramatic but I hope you know what I mean, that it is a compliment. For a while, he has felt not included or that *She* looks down on him. I'm not being petty, just stating a fact that has been known in our household for a long time (as you know also by my other emails-ok, you can call them rants lol). This was GENUINELY the first time that he has come home and it has been everything. He didn't feel like he was visiting you and YOUR family. He felt he was visiting you and HIS family. The switch in this visit I so obvious.

So, thank you. I couldn't have asked you for a better Christmas for *our youngest son* with you and you guys. It was perfect.

From: Him

To: Me

Awesome! That’s great news!!

From: Me

To: Him

If he starts taking college classes, he will be eligible to receive these benefits since I'm rated at 100%. Let me know when you are ready and I can send my portion with my info on it.

*attached link to Dependents’ Educational Assistance with the VA for GI Bill Benefits*

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from soccer league regarding last practices and games*

From: Me

To: Him

*Reforwarded email regarding last practices and games*