Wednesday, January 3, 2024 2:25 pm

From: Me

To: Him

I wanted to follow up on *Our youngest son’s* birthday.

From: Me

To: Judge’s Clerk

Good afternoon,

Per my voicemail, I see online that *He* filed a motion for *Our current County* (since we both live in that county) but in the *Original County* location back in October. The judge has set a hearing for 01/17 however I have neither received nor even heard of this until I found it on the website this afternoon.

Is there a required window that he serves me a copy of the order for the hearing? I was unable to find a guideline. 

As both he and I live in *Our current County*, shouldn't the hearing be where we are both residing? Can I attend remotely?

I apologize for the many questions but was overwhelmed when I just now found this.

Thank you for your time,

*Me*

*My phone number*

From: Him

To: Me

For his birthday, can he come over on the 20th (evening) and I can drop him off in the morning of the 22nd before I head into work?? I can pick him up that Saturday around 6p and drop him off Monday around 9am. 

Also, I don’t know if you saw, the court date is 1/17. Did you want me to send the official certified letter to you or do you want to bypass that? It’s all visible on OSCN. I can, it’s not a huge deal if necessary. I’ll mail it tomorrow.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* said ok about that plan.

I'm pretty sure that you are required to show the courts proof of service. Since it's next week, I would double check what the required window is to show you did that.

From: Him

To: Me

*Included a screenshot of our oldest son’s classes*

Forgot to send his schedule for 2nd semester

From Judge’s Clerk

To: Me

Good morning,

This divorce was filed in *Original County*, and therefore any subsequent filings must take place in the same county unless otherwise officially moved. 

You may appear via Microsoft Teams for this setting.

From: Me

To: Judge’s Clerk

Good afternoon and thank you,

Since I will be attending via Teams, will I be sent that information?

As I am just now learning of this since I was never notified, how do I submit my evidence for next week? This is a very small window to find out on my own and now need to gather, prepare, and submit.

From: Judge’s Clerk

To: Me

*Microsoft Teams meeting information for our Docket was sent*

With regards to your evidence, you will present that at the time, there is no need to get anything to the court in advance. As you and the opposing party are both representing yourselves pro se, you are each acting as your own attorney, and as such it is the responsibility of both parties to get any pertinent information exchanged between each other before the time of the court date

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded our youngest son’s email from the his new soccer team name with their information*

Please let me know if there are any Saturdays you would be able to make it and I will send you the time for that one once I get it that week. 

Again, I will drop off before game and pickup so you guys won’t be uncomfortable with *My youngest son* and I there since it’s such a small seating at his field.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded our youngest son’s soccer league email with link to all schedules*

*Our son* is on the *Age bracket* *Team Name* *Team color*.

From: Me

To: Him

I got it. (referencing the court documents)

Also, we are *specific duplex house number*. Just want to make sure you had that just in case

From: Him

To: Me

I didn’t know that. No worries. I’m going to email the judge and see if we can do it virtually. Don’t know if that’s an option, but since I could t change the venue, driving to *Original County* is rough.

From: Me

To: Him

*Included screenshot of email from Judge’s Clerk showing the Microsoft Teams Instructions for virtual*

This is the judge’s clerk

From: Him

To: Me

Thank you.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached flyer for local Mensa Christmas Party with map*

Since *Our youngest son* is going with you that night and this will no longer make him uncomfortable, I am going to go ahead and go to this with *My youngest son* to the Mensa *City’s* Chapter party. 

It is about a 30 minute drive from me but in the opposite direction for you (see directions attached). If you are planning on picking up around this time, I don't mind him waiting a short bit for you after I go. 

Just wanted to double check with you before I let them know.

From: Me

To: Him

 *Sent a bulleted daily breakdown of our youngest son’s weekly schedule to include school, therapies, sports, etc *

From: Me

To: Him

Things got shifted today:

*Updated bulleted breakdown*

1 of these days we will have a meeting with his teacher but not sure which one yet. She will let us know by the end of next week. Also, we have finalized his high school plan:

"to take some freshman level courses this year and then that would give you a leg up when you hit high school next year. So to be a sophomore, a student needs 5 credits. He will have 2 credits going into high school next fall, so that means he can add on more classes next fall and spring on top of his regular high school schedule and fast track his way through to be able to get through his freshman and sophomore year before May 2025. In high school, they do not have the extras of *school specific daily class requirement*, etc.. to do so that frees up a little more time to work ahead in coursework."

He is still on track to graduate the end of his "sophomore" year.

From: Child Support Office at DHS

To: Me

*Attached was the child support modification form I requested*

(Our Child support modification hearing happened. He did not file the originals, DHS was not included, we were told to reschedule so he could get these things corrected. I texted him to call me on his way out and he did. We talked and agreed to do what we had previously done and utilize the DHS modification process. I asked him if he preferred me to file or if he wanted to. He said he would rather file so I offered to send him the form which he thanked me for. I called DHS and requested it be emailed to me which they did)

From: Me

To: Him

They sent over this secure message. I attached what it looked like unlocked and the attachment.

I think that if you want to submit it, you would need to call and request it because the form had my name on it.

If you want me just to shoot this one over I will and cc you on it. All I think we need to do is put an x under change of custody, right? None of the other is really needed at this point.

Le me know if there is anything else you need.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded the Mensa Christmas Party email*

Just wanted to follow up on this.

From: Him

To: Me

I’ll grab *Our youngest son* around 5:30p on Saturday night, at the latest. 

I’ll bring him home Monday morning, around 9:30am. 

From: Me

To: Different County Court Clerk

Good morning,

I was checking on the updates to my child support modification and I saw there was a new case out of *Different* County, *State* dated 06/27/2023.

I was a resident of *Different State* at this time and I have never been to this County. The case has a car listed that I have never owned.

I have included a copy of my *Different State* Drivers License, car registration for my current vehicle that is the only one I have had for years, as well as a receipt from a purchase in *Different State* around that time with the credit card statement reflecting it. 

I'm not sure the proper steps to get this corrected but absolutely need to move forward with an appeal to have this removed from my record.

Thank you so much,

*Me*

From: Different County Court Clerk

To: Me

Good afternoon. I apologize for the delayed response. We were closed yesterday due to a winter storm that came through our state. I have checked the traffic case that you have attached and the identifiers on it do not match yours. That individuals date of birth is different from yours.

From: Me

To: Him

(Included the printout of the docket information regarding the ticket)

Hi,

Although it is not relevant to the kiddos, I feel like it may indirectly affect you down the line somehow. Plus, I'm having a hard time accepting it so I wanted to at least bring it to your attention.

I went on OSCN to look at the update to our case and when I searched my name, this court case came up. It is an *My full name* out of *Different* County. I've emailed the court clerk below and just hung up with the Sheriff listed on the citation (*Sheriff’s name*). He confirmed that he looked at her drivers license which he was able to look up while on the call. She was a Native American and with tribal plates who is from *another different town*. He could not provide her picture but was able to share that she was born in 1993 and had classic Native American features

I know it is probably nothing and I'm spending too much thought on it, I just thought it was an insane coincidence that there is an *My full name* (my literal entire, white girl name) who is Native American and in *our current state*.

I guess just an FYI.

From: Judge’s Clerk

To: Me. *Him*

Good afternoon,

We are set on 2-22-24 at 9:00am for this motion to modify, but unfortunately the Judge is going to have to be out of town for a Judicial Conference that week and we need to reschedule this setting.

Please take a look at the following times that we have available to reschedule this and Reply All with your response to let me know what will be the best date.

2-26-24 at 9:00am

2-27-24 at 2:30pm

3-1-24 at 9:00am

From: Me

To: Judge’s Clerk, *Him*

I believe that we are moving forward with doing the modification through DHS instead and *He* was already working on the paperwork for it.

I am available for any of these but will defer to him on how he would like to proceed as this is his motion.

To: Him

From: Me

*Attached our youngest son’s OT eval*

We completed *Our youngest son’s* eval last month and I've attached the copy we were given at his first appointment last week. Right now, he is scheduled to do therapy once per week.

The eval had him and I sit at a computer to answer questions. Afterwards, it was the therapist and him interacting. So, he was included in every single step and nothing was talked about without him there. He has also read this and agrees on the goals listed.

I still do not understand your aversion to this aspect of him and, again, am hoping that we can discuss and coordinate way to support him in this.

From: Him

To: Me

You’re going to get an email about *Our oldest son’s* grades. I made him handle it. He’s gotten all caught up. Just waiting on the update to his grades from teachers.

Just a heads up. 

From: Me

To: Him

Thanks for the update. Totally understand about teachers taking forever to grade.

From: Me

To: Him

*Attached pic of youngest son’s  x-ray*

We had another consult with Pediatric Orthopedics.

I've attached the XRay readings. So far one doc reco

mmends surgery and the other one says wait, if he can tolerate it.

This is the first report that mentions mild scoliosis (which *Our daughter* has). Its not a large of a degree to get a diagnosis of it right now (typically they diagnose at 10 and his is a 6).  However, this is the first time it is ever mentioned, along with the pelvic tilt and leg difference (which I don't think is really a big deal). 

We are going to see one more specialist before we make a decision about it being removed. *Our youngest son* really wants it but I'm insisting he be fully informed and not just by internet. 

Will keep you posted.

From: Him

To: Me

Can he tolerate it? I mean when he comes over, he chooses to stand, which is kinda sad. He said his tail bone hurts too much. I offer pillows and such, but he says he is used to it. 

Also, does it get worse with time? 

What’s his opinion? 

From: Him

To: Me

Never mind, saw the bottom paragraph. Lol

He wants the surgery. Got it. 

From: Me

To: Him

He pretty much only sits on his special seat. I bought a second one for the car so he always has one everywhere. My concern is how much it affects him when it is even barely bumped. It will literally make him fall to the floor. 

The only other alternatives are 1) live with it but know that it will not change or 2) injections.

We were talking about waiting until he stops growing to look at it again but he wants it. 

Its frustrating in appointments because they will ask him how much it bothers him and he will downplay it or say not much, etc. I have to remind him about him bumping the doorknob and screaming out that morning, when he puts his shoes on and rolls it an odd way, when he wears pants with a semi-larger seam and it somehow pulls taught (kinda like a wedgie) and it makes him yelp, etc. He will just laugh and say "oh yeah". Its a blessing and a curse that it hurts so bad and then is forgotten so quickly sometimes. 

But in all honesty, there is literally not a single day that he doesn't somehow bump it, twist in his seat wrong, etc and hurt himself. And not just a grimace that I happen to catch. He calls out and jolts. I feel so helpless about it. 

So, we read up on the surgery. We learned that previously it had a higher than usual infection rate  from being so close to your butt but recently, they have switched to laparoscopic and those rates have plummeted. Also, using prophylactic antibiotic before the surgery has dropped it to miniscule (like less than 1%). And with it being laparoscopic, recovery time is way less and so is scarring. 

Like I said, we will see one more specialist and then have a final sit down to weigh it all out.

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded email from our youngest son’s school regarding a field trip to a Native American Program which featured the World Champion Wichita War Dancer*

I wasn’t sure if your kiddos were enrolled in the Native American program too but I wanted to check and see if you guys were planning to attend this.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding Native American Field Trip)

I wanted to clarify my reason for asking. *Our youngest son* was interested so if you guys were going to, could drop him off and pick him up, so he could hang with you.

From: Me
To: Him

*Our youngest son* is very proud of his new shelves. It has a little bit of something from everyone.

I just wanted to reach out because I’m wasn’t sure if you knew about the rose on the top by his new gun. *His other two daughters* gave it to him a while ago and it is very important to him. It literally has been out and on display from the second he got it. He also has the two pics that *His youngest daughter* has drawn him. He is very sentimental like that. 

We just finished setting it up and just felt like sharing that 

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding Native American Field Trip)

The space is limited for this so please let me know so I can reserve his spot if needed.

From: Him

To: Me

Hey sorry. We will not be attending this. We had plans for that date already. 

From: Me

To: Him

Totally no worries! Was just checking. It’s in May so I am going to go ahead and sign up to take him. 

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email from school with the link for the NJHS ceremony*

*Our youngest son* will be inducted tomorrow at 2pm if you want to join us in the zoom. He, of course, chose to do the virtual one and not the in-person last week.

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email chain from 2017 with the insurance agent regarding his dad’s dog biting our oldest son’s face*

Cleaning out my emails and wanted to make sure you had a copy of this. It is the contact and claim number I have for your dad's insurance claim on the dog bite. I had it pinged because I think they needed a picture at the 5 year mark. 

Let me know if there is anything else you need from me for this, otherwise your dad should have the rest of the information.

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email chain from 2016 with the insurance agent regarding his dad’s dog biting our oldest son’s face*

I found this string of emails also with the insurance company regarding the dog bite claim for *Our oldest son*

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email chain from 2015 with the insurance agent regarding his dad’s dog biting our oldest son’s face*

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email chain from 2015 with the insurance agent regarding his dad’s dog biting our oldest son’s face*

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded email 2012 to the insurance agent with picture of our oldest son’s face after beginning to heal from dog bite*

From: Me

To: Him

(Attached the link to the school’s facebook page for the NJHS induction ceremony video since he did not attend the zoom)

From: Me

To: Him

*Picture of shelf that our youngest son built and mounted on wall from email on 2/24/24 finally went through and sent separately*

From: Me

To: Him

Hi,

*Our youngest son* had mentioned a bit ago that you had asked him when his days off of school were so he could come visit. I'm not sure what was discussed but nothing else was said to me about it so I thought I would clarify his schedule so that you guys could plan something without needing to wait until summer break.

At the beginning of the year, with *his school* being self-paced and running into some hiccups with changes since they were bumping him up to the high school classes, we had asked the principle if she could insert due dates for him that way he could have an easier time staying on track. These days are not set in stone and really just need to all be completed by end of semester.

I have been making him a weekly schedule every Monday morning that includes his *zoom* or appointments he must attend at the top and any pertinent notes at the bottom. I've added you to the Google Sheets so you can view the file anytime. I apologize for not thinking to do this earlier

Since we have the freedom to move assignments around as needed, it has been helping to keep his workload from being overwhelming and still give him some free time without trickling over into the weekend..

That being said, it would be way easier for us if you picked out a day(s) that works best for you and we can simply move his assignments/classes around it.

I hope this helps and please let me know if there is anything else I can do.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding School Breaks/Visits email from 3/18/24)

I just wanted to follow up on this. It's been a couple of months since his last visit and wanted to see if something could be arranged.

From: Him

To: Me

*Forwarded email from our oldest son’s school and a screenshot of updated grade*

This is outdated and *Our oldest son* has since fixed it. He actually holds an A in the class with a 91%.

Also, let me get some dates to have *Our youngest son* come hang with us! We miss him and would love to have him. I’ll email you by Sunday with dates.

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* was supposed to wearing his bands for the last few months. Everything else aside, being a teen is enough to make it hard for him to keep them on or leave them alone. But the ADHD fidgeting and remembering just made them non existent. 

So, today they put in wire springs on each side that will stay in. 

Makes it hard to eat. He bit down on it. And they warned him about pressing on his cheek or sleeping on it.

From: Me

To: Judge’s Clerk, *Him*

Good afternoon,

We have a hearing tomorrow morning at 11:30am.

However, since it was last rescheduled due to *Him* not including DHS and as of yesterday afternoon (per *employee name* at *Original County child support office at DHS* at 3:41pm) they have confirmed they are still showing zero involvement on their end, should we move forward with rescheduling again? Would he need to file a Motion to do so or is it too late and we will need to just attend tomorrow to have it ordered?

Thank you,

*Me*

(Below is a snippet of what was included in the attached evidence)

Per agreement on 05/16/2022

• Arrears total was $31,476.76 as of 05/16/22, signed by Heather Johnson, DHS
• Bring child support to $20k to erase for *Our daughter* graduating HS
• Pay 12K lump sum
• Pay 8K towards arrears over 24 months (06/2022-05/2024)

Order, Part C, Arrearages

• Respondent shall pay the remaining $8,000 in monthly payments of $333.34 for 24 months commencing June 1, 2022 and continuing each month thereafter until such amount is paid in full. Obligor’s total monthly obligation equals $500.20 until the arrearage is paid in full as set forth herein.

Payment amounts per court order

• $166.86 for normal child support
• $333.34 for 24 months towards arrears 

From: Judge’s Clerk

To: Me, Him

At this time the Judge is in trial and I will not be able to speak with her.

I would say at this time the parties should plan to appear tomorrow for this setting and can explain the situation then.

From: Him

To: Judge’s Clerk, Me

Good morning,

I do apologize as I just realized this hearing was scheduled for today. I will not be in attendance and understand what issue this causes. If need be, I can re-submit another motion for another date. 

Again, my apologies, I was completely unaware of this date. 

Thank you,

*Him*

From: Judge’s Clerk

To: Me, Him

I will show this setting stricken to be reset upon application.

If you would like to submit a new motion and order setting hearing you are welcome to do so.

From: Me

To: Him

(Regarding School Breaks/Visits email from 3/18/24)

*Our youngest son* said you mentioned something a bit ago, that you were trying to plan something and would let him know. Just wanted to follow up on this again. You've had access to his calendar for a bit so just let me know.

From: Me

To: Him

It's been over 2 months since I've reached out to try to coordinate something with *Our youngest son*. With you and *Our oldest son* only being literally 35 minutes away, I am super confused why nothing can be arranged. It has been MONTHS.

I am emailing yet again because last night it was brought up and he said that it's obvious you didn't want to see him. 

I hate that all of these years later I am still trying to keep them from getting hurt because you won't even try. You have had his school schedule and appointments since 3/18, about 9 weeks ago. I have offered to move absolutely anything to make sure it would happen. I have offered you to go to his soccer. I have offered you to go on his Native American event and to go to his Gifted and Talented meetup. I have kept you updated on his clubs and accomplishments as well as his doctor appointments. I've sent pictures of his shelf and items from you guys that he is very proud of with no response. I am trying but I don't know what else I can do to accommodate you. 

As I always ask him first to make sure he is comfortable with it as there have been only a couple he said he would have been embarrassed by, he is fully aware of every time we invite you and you turn him down or share things with you. I'm not going to go back through old emails to quote all of the times I have begged you guys and other family (because I guess the *His family* have completely forgotten about him) to just text him and at least pretend to care. I told you it has affected him and it hasn't only been in the last couple years. Birthdays, Christmas, Soccer Captain, *His little sister's* wedding, and so many other big events and nothing from anyone on your side. I know it's not about presents but not a text, a call, nothing? I have emailed it, texted it, and even talked to you on the phone about it. I'm baffled how you don't even have time to take him to lunch or just take him to the park to show off his soccer that he loves. I could only make excuses for you/them for so long before it became just blatantly obvious. 

The fact that he doesn't necessary want to always spend the night and (as you are aware since it has been an ongoing issue that we have texted/emailed about for years now) *She* is not the kindest to him, doesn't mean that you and him cannot do something, at the bare minimum. He loves and misses his little sisters and brothers very much. Could they have not been brought to his soccer game? We've been here almost a year. 

I have tried on MANY occasions to have you be included with his Autism/ADHD support. I have invited you to more than one 504 meeting with the school. You did not even respond to a single email. I have sent books that I've read, diagnosis, questions and concerns, etc. Nothing. As I told you then and will repeat now, I have never raised a child who needs Autism and ADHD support. Who needs Occupational Therapy and Speech. Who is struggling socially and cannot fathom going back to public school with peers. I am learning every single day with meetings with insurance and Developmental Disability Services through the state and Social Security Disability. He has two parents. He deserves the help and love and support of both. I deserve to have a co-parent to be a part of this process to assist as well as lead at times. He also deserves to have everyone cheering for every small victory that he makes along the way. It genuinely baffles me how his dad can simply decide to not acknowledge it or talk about it or care about or try. Have you spoken to him about his struggles and helped with ideas? Have you asked about the things that he has overcome and is now rocking? Do you know why he doesn't like leaving the house much? Do you know what things he struggles with every single day because he truly cannot remember, even with alarms in his phone? Do you know what he is working on with is current goal in OT? Do you know why he doesn't want to play soccer anymore even though he has always said he wants to be a professional player? Do you know why he doesn't want to work for NASA anymore? Do you know that he is struggling to decide if he wants to quit school or graduate with his diploma and degree at the same time since he is eligible for concurrent enrollment? Have you asked how his tailbone is or how his nose is since his last ENT appointment that I sent you? Has he tried the art kit and he is still interested in sketching or just video games? What is his favorite one? Does he complete his schoolwork on time to game by lunchtime or does he end up needing to wait until the weekend? What are his grades? Did he choose to take Spanish 2 next year as a freshman or ASL? How are his braces doing and how does he feel about the metal springs in his mouth? Does he still suffer from insomnia, even after the sleep lab we did a few years ago, and are there any things that he found that helps or makes it worse? Beginning around February, do you know what state he pushing us to move to since "there is no point in being in *Our current state*"?

*Him*, spend time with your son.

To: Him

From: Me

(Inserted screenshot of youngest son’s final grades)

The column under Y1 shows the year-end final grade.

To: Him

From: Me

(Inserted screenshot of email from our youngest son’s teacher)

Not sure why it didn’t include his Spanish grade but here’s her email.

Tuesday, June 11, 2024 8:56 pm

To: Me

From: Him

Was texting with *Our youngest son*. Asked if he wanted to come hang this weekend. He said yes. 

Can we come pick him up Friday afternoon? Drop him off Monday?

Also, next weekend, the 21-23 my parents are in town too. Wanted to see if he could come back for that long weekend too. 

To: Him

From: Me

Per our agreement since the move, we were to keep each other apprised of the boys however:

• I had to hear from *Our youngest son* about Her getting *Our oldest son* on the JV football team. I emailed on 8/24/23 and asked what his schedule was because "I don't want to miss it". You said "As soon as we find out, we will let you know." I did not hear back.
• I had to email to try to coordinate *Our youngest son* for *Our oldest son’s*' birthday (10/1/23 and 11/6/23 and 11/14/23). You said you were combining his 16th and *His son* 5th at the end of the month and would coordinate do *Our youngest son* could come. I emailed on 11/21/23 asking for any info. I emailed again on 11/27/23. 
• I had to find out from the old school that you guys had moved out of town without telling me by them calling me on 11/9/23 regarding an improper disenrollment and him still owing the chromebook and charger. The old school didn't even have the correct forwarding school. I had to call the district to find where *Our oldest son* was now enrolled. 
• I had to email you to ask for your new address (11/9/23). 
• I had to email you to ask for his new schedule (11/13/23).  
• I had to coordinate with the school because I was not included on any enrollment. They updated it and set me up on his Infinite Campus (11/16/23)
• I waited a month before finally asking you to provide *Our oldest son*' new contact information (12/8/23).

It has still remained one-sided.

• I emailed regarding *Our youngest son*’s doctor visits, medication changes, surgical consults, etc:
  • 9/7/23 - ENT Consult
  • 9/8/23 - Ortho Consult
  • 10/9/23 - ENT visit
  • 2/14/24 - Ortho surgical consult
• I emailed regarding his braces:
  • 7/18/23 - Confirmed transfer and scheduled consult
  • 8/5/23 - New consult 
  • 10/10/23 - Updated treatment plan and timeline
  • 4/4/23 - Wire springs replacing his bands
• I emailed you about his school:
  • 7/31/23 - Enrollment in *School*
  • 8/28/23 - Gifted and Talented enrollment invite / college track plan / graduating early
  • 9/14/23 - Letters from *Previous Town* confirming his grades and placement in Gifted and Talented  as well as letters from *School* confirming enrollment in their program.
  • 1/11/24 - Sent a weekly schedule snapshot
  • 1/12/24 - Sent an updated weekly schedule snapshot as well as explained how he was fast tracking and currently in freshman courses
  • 3/18/24 - I added you to my Google Sheets that both his teacher was on so you could see up-to-the-minute schedule from Monday-Sunday. I included assignments, Live, sports, doc appointments etc.
  • 6/1/24 - I sent you a copy of his final grades
• I emailed you regarding his extra-curricular activities and sports (you never attended a single one):
  • 8/17/23 - Joined the soccer team
  • 9/12/23 - Let you know he was in a chess club tournament and was currently undefeated
  • 9/14/23 - Information on the Gifted and Talented Club
  • 9/16/23 - Upcoming Club Meets for Gifted and Talented Club and Chess Club
  • 11/9/23 - Joined indoor soccer team and informed about a 2 week overlap of being on both teams
  • 12/18/23 - You were arranging to pick him up and I reminded you about his soccer practice and game. I went ahead and cancelled those while cc'ing you on them.
  • 12/27/23 - Forwarded you the end of the soccer season and last game information
  • 1/9/24 - Forwarded you his new soccer season information
  • 1/10/24 - Forwarded you his team information as well as updated league info
  • 1/12/24 - Included in the Google Sheets you were invited to, it included every single practice and game day/time
  • 3/4/24 - Notified you of his Induction Ceremony to NJHS
  • 3/5/24 - Forwarded the link to the video of the ceremony
• I emailed you regarding his Autism and ADHD (not a single one of these got any type of reply):
  • On 7/21/23 - In our texts, we coordinated *Our youngest son* coming home early. He was overwhelmed and said "I don't want to be here any longer". We coordinated for that night.
  • On 8/9/23, I wanted to check on plans for your birthday. I asked again on 8/11/23 and then again on 8/23/23. He really wanted to go, however when it came time, it was only an overnight thing and he was not comfortable with an overnight.
  • 11/7/23 - Since I had you included on all of *Our youngest son*’s school information, you were automatically included on the invite to his 504 meeting to discuss updated accommodations 
  • 11/10/23 - I emailed you about it being his first season of indoor soccer and that he vocalized about "how nervous he is with how loud and enclosed it might be." I asked if you could reach out with word of encouragement
  • 11/12/23 - I emailed you to follow up and see if you were planning on attending the Zoom. It was a very long message of me explaining the situation as well as asking for help, ideas, and just presence in all of it.
  • 11/14/23 - Asked you to "Please also let me know about the 504 meeting. Ample time for you to plan and schedule it to not miss it." 
  • 11/21/23 - I sent "*Our youngest son*’s 504 meeting is in 1 week. I need you to let me know what day you are available before then so we can go over his current 504 plans and brainstorm ideas to present during the zoom."
  • 11/29/23 - Zoom meeting for 504 update. 
  • 12/24/23 - I thanked you for the Christmas visit. I touched base again about "small doses" of interaction being much easier for him. I explained yet again about texting and how he is not the best at that communication but please don't stop. I reminded you about how he felt She "looks down on him" but I did mention it was better during this visit.
  • 1/25/24 - I sent you a copy of his OT evaluation
  • 5/24/24 - I explained how frustrated I was that you refused to help or support or even acknowledge he is Autistic with ADHD. How I have reached out so many times since diagnosis asking for even a simple conversation, asking for ideas, asking for thoughts, asking for absolutely anything and being met with zero replies.
• I emailed you invites to functions (nobody attended as single one):
  • 9/15/23 - Invited you to his Gifted Gathering even with the Gifted and Talented club. I said "I can drop him off and pick him up there."
  • 9/16/23 - Sent a list of his clubs with their upcoming in-person events
  • 10/26/23 - I told you that *Our youngest son* and *Our oldest son* had been coordinating to see the FNAF movie (from my first email to you on 8/12/23 because I "wanted to throw this on your radar" for opening day) . I emailed you that when *Our youngest son* reached out to *Our oldest son* to coordinate them seeing it the next day, he was told he "didn't have money". 
  • 1/9/24 - I sent you his schedule and said "Please let me know if there are any Saturdays you would be able to make it and I will send you the time for that one once I get it that week.  Again, I will drop off before game and pickup so you guys won’t be uncomfortable with Kel and I there since it’s such a small seating at his field." 
  • 2/21/24 - Asked if you wanted to meet *Our youngest son* at an event since he was in the Native American program. Sent a follow up on 2/27/24.
  • 3/4/24 - Sent the Zoom information for his NJHS Induction Ceremony
  • 3/5/24 - Since you didn't participate, I sent you the link to the Facebook recording of it.
• I emailed general but pertinent things:
  • 12/4/23 - *Our youngest son*'s Christmas list
  • 2/24/24 - *Our youngest son* being proud of the shelves he built but also at the joy of the items on them which included gifts from you guys. 
  • 3/5/24 - Information regarding your dad's insurance claim on *Our oldest son*’s' dog bite
• Most importantly, I emailed asking about plans for him to see you:
  • 8/9/23 - Asked if you had plans for your birthday 
  • 8/10/23 - Sent over availability to try to coordinate for your birthday
  • 8/23/23 - Followed up on unanswered email regarding your birthday
  • 10/16/23 - Reached out to coordinate Halloween
  • 11/21/23 - Asked about Christmas Break
  • 12/11/23 - Pointed out you had not seen him since our move in July
  • 12/24/23 - Asked if you had plans for *Our youngest son*'s birthday
  • 1/3/24 - Followed up on unanswered email regarding *Our youngest son*'s birthday
  • 3/18/24 - Included you on *Our youngest son*'s schedule and said "That being said, it would be way easier for us if you picked out a day(s) that works best for you and we can simply move his assignments/classes around it. I hope this helps and please let me know if there is anything else I can do."
  • 3/26/24 - Followed up on unanswered email regarding trying to schedule something
  • 5/6/24 - Followed up on unanswered email regarding trying to schedule something
  • 5/24/24 - Followed up on unanswered email regarding trying to schedule something

During our entire marriage as well as since our divorce, you've always been aware that I keep my emails. They cannot be argued with or denied.

Please let me know when there is a date/time that we can coordinate a discussion on how we can move forward because this is neither what we agreed to nor an acceptable wat to continue co-parenting.

To: Me

From: Him

So can *Our youngest son* come over this weekend or not?Wanting to establish some regular visitation with him going forward. 

Thanks! 

To: Him

From: Me

I'm not sure what you mean by "establish some regular visitation with him going forward" as this was something we both explicitly said we were not going to do.

The last 2 emails I received from you were:

2/27 - You emailed me let me know you couldn't go to yet another function of *Our youngest son*'s that you were invited to.

4/5 - You emailed me to let me know that *Our oldest son* wasn't failing.

Other than that, you have ignored every single email I've sent which also include questions I would've liked a timely answer to. So, again, please let me know when there is a date/time that we can coordinate a discussion on how we can move forward because this is neither what we agreed to nor an acceptable way to continue co-parenting.

From: Him

To: Me

Pickup Friday. 12p

Drop off Monday 12p

We can do every other weekend. Except; I’d like to have him 2 weekends in a row since my folks will be out the weekend of the 21st. 

Yes or no? He said he wanted to come. 

Up to you. I’m not getting into your emails. 

From: Me

To: Him

Actually, it is up to you. 

From: Him

To: Me

Fantastic. 

I’ll be there on Friday at noon. I’ll drop him off Monday same time. Noon. 

Thank you!

From: Me

To: Him

I apologize for the misunderstanding.

*Our youngest son* showed me the text and we spoke. He is aware that you and I will need to have a conversation before he goes.

Thank you

From: Him

To: Me

We can converse through email. Talking on the phone never ends well. 

Is there special rules or something for *Our youngest son*? He’s going to be here for 3 days. Not the end of the world. 

If he doesn’t want to come, that’s up to him. We would love to have him. His younger siblings are asking for him to come over. 

From: Me

To: Him

Please see attached.

*The attachment of 34 pages included the following letter as well as 12 specific email threads from 2/15/22 - present  and 14 pages of text screenshots dating back to 6/18/19 *

10:29 am - We can converse through email. Talking on the phone never ends well. 

Is there special rules or something for *Our youngest son*? He’s going to be here for 3 days. Not the end of the world. 

If he doesn’t want to come, that’s up to him. We would love to have him. His younger siblings are asking for him to come over.

11:23 am - Just have *Our youngest son* text me if he is able to come over. If he doesn’t send over any text, we will know he was unable to make it. 

*Him*. 

I would like to start by saying that we are not going to move forward with a conversation that is anything but honest. There will be no gaslighting or manipulation. Every single thing I state, I have the emails, phone records, texts, etc. to confirm. 

I will also keep this only about *Our youngest son*. The lack of co-parenting, effort, and accountability from you regarding *Our oldest son* is an entirely separate conversation. Although it plays into the disregard of the entire Agreement we made, I will only be focusing on the part that affects *Our youngest son*.

You said “Talking on the phone never ends well.” When? When was the last time it did not end well? Do you have any specific example from, let’s say, the last 5 years, since we moved to *previous state* from *previous state*? Since we moved to *current city* last year, you and I have talked on the phone a handful of times. The most recent time was after our court case on 01/17/24. I texted you,  immediately after court. The judge had to reschedule us because you didn’t do a couple of things that were required prior to the hearing. I could have left it alone but instead I texted you to call me. We talked on the phone and decided to go with the modification through DHS. I offered to get the forms and asked if you would like me to move forward with just filing them or if you preferred to do it. You wanted to so I said I would get them for you since you were driving. I called DHS and had them email me the forms. I not only forwarded the email I received but I also sent the forms separately. I called you to let you know what they said and then texted you after I sent it. Did this call not end well? It was a call that I instigated, offered my help, and then did your steps for you that you didn’t do for court. We’ve talked multiple times since the move about schools, how to proceed, the court forms, etc. In fact, as you can see by the pictures of our texts, I even warned you that the court was trying to get in touch with you about rescheduling, even though you told them later that you were unaware. So, we are not going to continue with the story of toxic communication when I have every email and text that shows otherwise. 

Another thing we are not going to do is make *Our youngest son* uncomfortable or include him more than necessary. You and him chatted and he said yes to being interested in coming over this weekend. That should be the end of his involvement. That is when it switches to you and I coordinating. I’ve already emailed you once in the last year about texting the kids and putting them in uncomfortable situations.

No more games. No more talking in circles. No more ignoring responsibilities. We had phone conversations and emails deciding how we were going to proceed this year. In fact, we had a very amicable discussion and fine tuning of the bullet points. Again, I was the one who made the effort to create all of the forms we needed to move forward. Not only did I do the research and make the calls, I had to create them from scratch as *Our current state* does not have these prepopulated. Due to my busy schedule, I was not able to get the forms turned in immediately. On 8/29/24, you said you would drop them off instead. I sent you all of the forms. To date, you have done absolutely zero about custody. In fact, you have never followed through with ANYTHING in regards to custody or visitation. Instead, how many times have you jumped to modify child support? There was even a time where you tried to manipulate the court after you got your real estate license where the amount actually went up, all the forms show that you walked out of court, and did not sign. The effort was always prioritized to what mattered. You have had every court document you’ve needed for almost 10 months. Coincidentally, the only form you turned in was the one I created for the child support modification. Was there a reason that you chose NOT to submit the custody form at the same exact time? 

In yesterday’s email, you said “wanting to establish some regular visitation with him going forward” however what you sent specifically for me to include on 8/3/24 *Note: it should have said 2023* was “Open visitation?  Nothing scheduled, just allowing the boys to decide what they want to do in regards to visiting.” In the agreement we came up with regarding visitation, the Motion to Modify Custody Custody read “Due to joint custody and close proximity, no set visitation schedule will be ordered”. That aside, I think I may need more clarification on what you mean by “some regular visitation”. He had soccer practice every single Friday for almost 6 months. He had soccer games every single Saturday for almost 6 months. I offered to leave and not be there at the same time for you. Could you not show up to at least one and maybe take him to dinner after? A movie? Just walk the mall? In fact, since I moved here, I have reached out 28 times to try to coordinate *Our youngest son* spending time with you. Other than his birthday, in 2024, you only responded to a single email where we were inviting you to a Native American function 3 months out but, coincidentally, you had plans that day. So, when I told you on 3/18/24, 3/26/24, 5/6/24, and 5/24/24 (just the most recent ones) that *Our youngest son* mentioned you wanted to coordinate something and he wanted to go, you didn’t even bother. On 3/18 and 5/6, they both started with me telling you that I was reaching out because *Our youngest son* came to me. This specific situation alone, you never responded for 3 months. *Our youngest son* went through his texts and found that the last time you texted him directly about coming over was on 1/23/24 when you told him *His son* wanted him to. 

*Him*, this is not healthy for him. I have reached out multiple times over multiple years regarding your specific interactions with *Our youngest son*. I will not include all of the ones growing up but will start on 8/14/22. I have made it known time and time again that he simply wants to feel like he matters. Like his family knows he exists. I know you have no control over other family members that don’t acknowledge him until they have to but you do have control over yourself. Are you so busy that you can’t call him? FaceTime him with the kiddos that miss him so much? Text him throughout your day, even random things? We spoke on the phone back in June, right before they flew out,  about this extensively and you assured me you would and that you understood. I can only make him as accessible as possible but I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. You refuse absolutely any discussions regarding his multiple diagnosis, his 504 meetings, feelings, and other topics that are vitally important for parents. To this day, as I’ve said in my emails, I do not understand your aversion to his neurodivergency and refusal to have any type of participation even though you know he wants you to. 

No parent is perfect and I have never asked nor expected it. I have only ever asked for effort. For progress. For things not to be exactly where they were when we moved to Oklahoma in 2010. This is incredibly unhealthy for *Our youngest son*. I was previously advised in one of our hearings about CEN and I think you need to do some reading and some reflecting. Your son needs all of you, all of the time. Not just when it is convenient. Not just when you’re in between jobs. Not just when you and *Her* aren’t arguing.

That being said, we have had a court order in place since our divorce on 06/13/12. Even then, it was every other weekend and not followed. There has been no consistency in any order by the court. Not in visitation. Not in child support. We came up with a modified agreement upon us moving here and you have not even complied with that. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried offering help. I’ve tried being proactive. Short of doing it for you, I am out of ideas. 

Yesterday, I touched base on all of the emails I sent you about *Our youngest son* to try to give you some perspective. To show you how many included him trying to spend time with you, inviting you to things, updating you, etc. Your response to this was “I’m not getting into your emails.” You have made your priorities and intentions crystal clear. That being said, *Our youngest son* and I had a long discussion this morning. He is aware of my decision as well as all of the reasons behind it. He understands and supports it. 

So, to recap:

• You live 16 miles away 
• You have not seen *Our youngest son* since January, approximately 5 months ago
• You ignored almost all correspondence of your son trying to spend time with you since January
• You have not actively tried to spend time with him since January
• You have not attended a single soccer practice/game in all 3 seasons that he’s played
• You have not attended a single school function/Zoom that you’ve been invited to for the entire school year
• You have not acknowledged, responded, or participated in a single 504 planning or meeting, OT eval, or any other attempt at coordination I have made since his diagnosis 4 years ago

Nothing listed above is based on feelings or opinions. These are facts. 

Your choices are not conducive to the emotional and mental wellbeing of *Our youngest son*. As I said yesterday, we definitely need to have a discussion before completely dismissing *Our youngest son’s* feelings and pretending that none of this happened. Whether it be something we get notarized and submitted to the court to hold you accountable with actual consequences for non compliance, a mediator, or some other avenue, I am open to ideas. But until then, we are not enabling this cycle or the feelings it is causing him. 

https://psychcentral.com/blog/childhood-neglect/2020/01/families-that-exclude-ostracize-or-ignore-and-the-harm-they-do#1

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-of-distorted-love/201708/the-long-term-impact-of-neglectful-parents

From:Him

To: Me

Awesome letter. So can we start seeing *Our youngest son* regularly? Every other weekend?

It isn’t my fault you took the boys away for years and ran to *previous state*. That was on you. 

Going forward, *Our youngest son*, every other weekend, if he chooses starting this weekend. He does need his dad, it’s clear to see. 

Let me know

*Him*

From: Me

To: Him

Although it, again, shows a history of your lack of productive parenting communication, it is very disappointing that you are not taking any of this seriously.

It has been spelled out for you on more than one occasion, the answer to your question that you keep parroting. 

While I am thankful that it took your parents coming out here for you to want to "start seeing *Our youngest son* regularly", ensuring it is not another temporary ploy is very important. You were made aware on Wednesday. Rather than iron this out so we could have something legal and concrete moving forward and you picking up *Our youngest son* shortly, you chose to make it a game and not even personally respond to your own emails. Again, all it would have taken is a smidge of effort and this would have all already been done.

Since they are not coming until the end of next week, hopefully that will be enough time for you to show *Our youngest son* that you actually mean it this time. Because, I assure you, last night he saw that you still weren't willing and it affected him. 

"It's clear to see" is an interesting statement. I'm not sure who it is clear to since your family only sees or knows he exists at reunions and you have no idea who he even is anymore (as I exlained in one of the many emails you weren't going through). Him needing "his dad" would be a correct statement, regarding someone who has ever acted like one towards him. I would love for you to show me any email or interaction where he has had this "dad" he so needs. Was it during ANY of his Autism appointments, therapies, assessments, school meetings, counseling, etc? Or was it during the doctor appointments I wanted to include you on with speaker phone? Or was it during the counseling appointments at the school I wanted you to be part of on speaker phone? Or was it during his school functions you were invited to? Or was it at just about every single school event or sporting game for any of our kids? I won't waste my time listing all of the times that were in direct contradiction of that. They don't "need" a parent to have them just come sit at their house every other weekend. They "need" their "dad".  All he needed was simply knowing you knew he was here. Attention. Showing up for him. A bread crumb of effort. But once June hit and a plan was made to move forward formally, this silly back and forth is only showing him the true meaning behind it. He has seen and read every single one of our emails since Wednesday. While you said you weren't getting into them, he took the time. While he knows how much you were non existent before, he now sees how hard I was even trying for him on my end. As of yesterday afternoon, when you responded how you did, he said he no longer wanted to go. 

So, when you are ready to fix this with him and genuinely make an attempt to spend time with him regularly, lets put something in place that will not only outline it but hold accountability for non compliance. He doesn't deserve attention because you need to explain to your parents why you chose not to even acknowledge us reaching out to try. While I'm sure the blame will yet again be gaslit towards me, *Our youngest son* knows the truth. 

There is 7 days until next weekend. Hopefully you can swallow this false pride and choose *Our youngest son*. Please don't email me or ask or send silly jokes (which is not you). You have all of the information you need.

Let me know,

*Me*

From: Me

To: Him

*Him*,

Did you even stop for a second to think how your text would make him feel? You assumed that it would make him wish he was there because of all the fun it looked like you guys were having without him. Instead, you sent him a picture of other kids playing with you while you have still made zero effort towards doing absolutely anything with him. And we aren't going to argue semantics where you believe that reaching out once every 6 months is "effort". 

I've tried doing the paperwork for you yet you only cared about the money. I tried sending over the medical information for you to research and understand yet you won't even acknowledge. I have sent what he is doing, what he is interested in, his clubs, everything to try to give you something to bond over (or at least chat with him about) yet silence. I've tried pleading and explaining his emotions and what you are causing yet you haven't changed a thing. I've offered to be available any time, any day, and would drop off and pick up yet you still couldn't spare the time for him. 

To no surprise, literally to anybody, the entire week went by with zero. 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Einstein (fun fact, they believe he was also Autistic)

*Me*

Thursday, July 4, 2024 4:31pm

From: Me

To: Him

Subject: “Our youngest son’s” State Science Testing Results

*attached score PDF*

His score was 330 which is categorized as advanced

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded finalized school schedule for youngest son*

From: Me

To: Him

I wanted to follow up on this and see if he had taken his permit test a few weeks ago.

As for the ChampVA, I'm confused how it "doesn't work at all" and who told you that he was not eligible? The phone number is on the website and his card I sent you but I've also attached the fact sheet for his eligibility. Per page 1, I am rated permanently and totally disabled for a service-connected disability and thus, the "paid by the government" income you speak of. Per page 2,  it shows that both *our youngest son* and *our oldest son* will be covered until they are 18 or during college. It covers his annual physical, immunizations, medications, etc. It has nothing to do with residence as they qualify simply by being my dependent. If you have been paying out of pocket, I would reach out to them as they should reimburse you. Hope this helps clarify. 

*attached the fact sheet from the website*

From: Me

To: Him

*attached a screenshot of his schedule from the school website*

I wanted to follow up again on *our oldest son’s* permit test from June.

Also, I see his class schedule for fall online. I've attached it and wanted to confirm this is what he is taking. Has he decided on college? This is a light looking load and not a lot of college prep stuff. Is he enrolled in any sports or clubs or doing anything outside of this? I know he had talked about possibly culinary school if he didn't pursue the marine biology. Just wanted to see what his current plans were.

*Our youngest son* told me he is working somewhere. What is the update on that?

From: Me

To: Him

I've attached *our youngest son's* finalized school schedule for this semester. He is still on track to either a) graduate early or b) his teacher and my preference, do dual enrollment with the college and graduate on time but with his associate's degree. 

You still have permissions for the same Google Sheet from last school year. I will try to do a few weeks out at a time rather than weekly. You will be able to see his schedule for every day, including school assignments, appointments, soccer practices, etc. You are also still listed as his emergency contact and on his files.

His and my agreement is, if he wants to do *school* at home and not go to public school, he has to participate in at least two extracurriculars (sports, clubs, volunteering, internship, etc).

He has started practices for fall soccer again with *team name*. Games don't start until September and are every Saturday. If you plan on attending any, let me know and I will shoot you the time and field #.

He has enrolled at the gym and, since *my youngest son* starts school this week, he will be going with me Monday, Wednesday and Fridays straight from dropping him off at school since *our youngest son* is still doing the *school* at home. The gym is also incorporated into his OT goals with his therapist.

He is hesitant about joining chess club again this year because it was all only online last year and he says it feels like just playing it in the app, plus he is still undefeated. *Closest major city* has different in person meetups at different Cafes with local clubs so we are talking with OT about that possibility.

We waiting to see how his workload plays out for the next few weeks before looking at the updated library volunteer options by our house to possibly do for his NJHS hours he has to maintain each semester/year.

Let me know if there is anything else you need,

*Me*

From: Me

To: Him 

I forgot:

-  He is still enrolled in the Gifted Program and will attend those club meetings and events.

- He is enrolled in the Native American Program and will attend those club meetings and events.

Again, if you ever want to participate with him, please let me know and I can send the specifics

From: Me

To: Him

*Our youngest son* joined the Esports Club last year but didn't engage much. However, since he talked to *Our oldest son* and we recently saw this article about *his school's* team being so successful competitively, he has joined again.

He has already signed up for Fortnite 2v2 and Rocket League 3v3. I've attached the other options that he can participate in. Is *our oldest son* in any of these because *Our youngest son* thinks it would be fun to compete against him.

From: Me

To: Him

Even though you have ignored almost every court order regarding our divorce, child support, and custody agreement (as well as our most recent co-parenting agreement) it is still required by law. The list below is something that is not vague or negotiable. These are items that are required to be updated and current at all times by both parents.

So, regarding *our oldest son*, I need the following information:

1. His current school schedule 

2. Any extra-curricular info and schedules, whether through school or not

3. His place of employment

4. The status of his drivers license

5. Any other health or pertinent information

Please do not make me need to email you multiple times for over 2 months for this type of information. I have been more than patient on you not following any of the agreement and if you can't follow the items that you suggested be put into place, then there is no point in us (me) attempting to continue trying.

From: Me

To: Him

Wanted to follow up on the previous emails and needed info.

From: Him

To: Me

Just read this. 

*Our oldest son* plays only on 2 teams in ESports currently. He is on the Valorant team and also Finals. I think he plays on the Apex team next semester. 

From: Me

To: Him

Hi *Him*,

This is my formal demand for the necessary information regarding our son. 

Please provide in it's entirety by Tuesday, 8/27/24 as it will then be 45 days since the original request made on 7/13/24.

Thank you,

*Me*

From: Him

To: Me

*He replied to my original email by inputting his answers after the question*

Updates

1. His current school schedule *screenshot of the student portal*

2. Any extra-curricular info and schedules, whether through school or not (E Sports) no schedule officially given as of yet. 

3. His place of employment (Journeys Footware, Sooner Mall)

4. The status of his drivers license (Permit only, eligible for license January 2025)

5. Any other health or pertinent information (No new issues. Headaches occasionally, but self medicated.)

From: Him

To: Me

What's happening with *our youngest son*? *censored message*

Call me!!

(Sidenote: *He* was worried that something he believed was immediately life threatening. He went to Yahoo and emailed me to call him. I did not receive a call from him until 4:32pm)

To: *Child Support Office*

From: Me

Good morning,

I would like to move forward with child support enforcement and contempt of order.

Thank you,

*Me and my contact info*

(Sidenote: This is due to non compliance to our agreement or court order about our children, the 90 day zero payment law, and the only month that child support was fully paid in the last 15 months was in December 2023.)

From: *Child Support Office*

To: Me

Good morning,

I have forwarded your request to your worker.

Thank you.

To: *Hospital Police*

From: Me

I am requesting the report for the incident that happened at the *Hospital Name* ER Room at approximately 6:40pm. Am I allowed to have a copy of any footage/video as well?

I intend to piggyback on the charges against the other person involved, *Her*. 

Please let me know if there is anything else you need from me regarding this.

Thank you so much,
*Me and my contact information*

(Sidenote: This was following up from the call from the hospital police I received after leaving on 9/3 and the call on 9/6.)

From: *Hospital Police*

To: Me

To receive a copy of a police report, please fill out the attached form.  You can return the completed form directly to me, or to *hospital records email* for fastest service.  Do you know the case number for the report?  This is the quickest way for us to locate a specific report. 

Surveillance video is generally not released through open records, but may require a subpoena.  If there is video available, and the video happens to be from a body cam on one of our officers, or dash-cam from one of our cars, that is releasable through open records.  I would suggest writing this on the request form as well.  You can just put “incident report and any related video” in the blank for report type.

The Open Records office can advise if they need anything further.

Please let me know if you have any questions or need help with the form.  In the meantime, I will look for your report and await the completed form.

From: *Hospital Police*

To: Me

 Ok no problem.  I found the report number, it is *report number from their Daily Crime Log which coincided with what I found on website* 

From: Me

To: Him

(attached are the two text thread screenshots that are referenced)

 *Him*,

• I have attached *our youngest son's plan*. This is what he, *team members* had discussed during our family therapy on Friday. 
• We have a meeting with *new location* in the morning for *plan*
• We are going to continue with the personal trainer at the gym and see about finding a way for him back into soccer somehow
• I would like to specifically clarify his triggers so they are understood moving forward:
  • School Work - We have already been working with his teacher regarding accommodations for English however he and I now have a few more ideas on how to proactively help relieve this stress. We will be coordinating more with his teacher after tomorrow's meeting.
  • Trying to help others - He feels the need (compulsory) to help others. I had originally thought it was the pressure of feeling like he had to when he did not but it was the opposite. When I would separate them, apparently it made it worse. He feels like he has to be the one to help and teach. He even said that he wants a child. We have decided to sit *my youngest son* down and explain that *our youngest son* enjoys teaching and to see it more like him mentoring than parenting so *my youngest son* will be more agreeable. *Our youngest son* also agrees to approach it more as a teaching moment than a scolding older brother. We are also going to present it to OT tomorrow, this need to teach and see it learned/followed through.
  • My brother - This is about *my youngest son*. Since *my youngest son* sees *our youngest son* more as a nagging older brother, he responds as a typical 5 year old would. This frustrates *our youngest son* since he feels that "*my youngest son* never listens" to him. Again, we are going to attempt to change that dynamic and perspective for both of them.
  • BEING BELITTLED - This list was created before I joined the session. I had zero input in this. Unfortunately when he spoke up, you were quick to blame me. However, per the attached text conversation from 2022 I sent to you regarding the precise situation that *our youngest son* has quoted frequently since it has happened, this has nothing to do with me. In fact, not only did I encourage him to go to you regarding what happened, I even brought it to your attention so you could help mitigate the damage between him and *Her* (just like as recently as August 11th offering to have *Her* scoop up *our youngest son* so they could birthday shop for you). Your response?? "That's fine. Not at all what happened". I've emailed countless times that he has had issues with feeling belittled by *Her* either directly or indirectly. How many times have you had any discussion with him regarding this? How many times have you tried to sit down and understand it where it was coming from? Has *Her* ever made an effort to understand that her offhand comments ("you really are autistic" is another one that he brings up) hurt him and discuss with him her true intent? This single instance is literally from over 2 years ago and I have brought it up many times since. The fact that it still bothers him so much to this day should be a red flag on how it is (or isn't) being addressed. This is why when you reached out to him Tuesday during the situation happening, he didn't want to talk to you. He even showed me where he lied to you about it so he didn't have to continue texting (again, his words not mine).
  • One of the things that was shared in the session was his support network. He said he had mom who "has solutions" and sister who "helps talk". He told the doctor that he doesn't want to talk to *Her* at all. He also told them that "she's petty" and now "probably won't let dad" talk to him again. He also is worried that she is going to keep his siblings from him. 
• *Our youngest son* has had a lot of growth already in this last week. From deleting apps, unfriending people from social media, set up app time restrictions, deciding to regularly attend church again, and many other choices and healthy boundaries. And not a single one of these was a suggestion from me. These were all things he decided were best for him. Another big decision he made that was probably not easy for him, was to send you that text (the thread I attached at the end of *the plan*). I had no idea he sent that or that he was even talking to you. It wasn't until he brought the phone to me and showed me what you wrote. You chose to handle this situation this way within hours of discharging from the hospital? How was any of this for the betterment of *our youngest son*?
• He said that it was clear *Her* was writing it and not you (not something I could make him think/feel). He was visibly upset. AGAIN, rather than really hearing him and trying to connect, you told him "you're in that zone now" (this is specifically what he brought me to show me). You felt the best way to help your son's mental health during this recovery time was to lash out at me and try to make his feelings towards *Her* somehow relate to me seeming like a bad mom to *our daughter and oldest son*? How does her hurting him have anything at all to do with me or his siblings? That makes no sense. And yet again, you defend *Her* rather than try to discuss ways to show him how she supposedly feels about him. You even admitted that "she has had very little influence in your life". Why is that? Why is it, years later, he is still coming to you about how *Her* makes him feel? Is this going to be the same conversation again in another 2 years?
• The bee situation was another event that has really bothered *our youngest son* and one that I have brought to your attention before. Per the story I was told, again this is coming from the kids who were there since I was not, *Her* refused to take him to the doctor. You said you were going to and asked me to resend his insurance card, but then *Her* said no. Kaylee spoke up about it and then, whatever happened after that, ultimately led to her being told she could not come back. There have been a couple of stories where it was shared with me about *our daughter* not being able to go back. These specifically have stuck with *our youngest son*. This is also something you and I spoke about specifically on the phone regarding *our oldest son* moving in with you and the chance of her making him leave too, that it was a valid fear of mine. Whether or not he was remembering it incorrectly, he feels like he and others thought he needed to go to the hospital, *Her* refused to take him and because *our daughter* spoke up on his behalf, ultimately leading to her being "kicked out". 
• He feels that these things have happened. He feels he personally witnessed these events. He feels like you do not speak up for him or that you are "choosing her" over him. He feels that *Her* doesn't like him and is mean to him. He feels like she treats him differently and intentionally belittles him, both to him as well as to the other kids in front of him. This has been brought to you over and over. If all of this is completely made up, ok. Either way, to simply deny that is what happened and then blame me for him still hurting is not the way to progress with any type of relationship with him. His heart hurts. Both of he and I have brought this to you. The ball is still in your court.
• He also told me, on Wednesday while we were waiting for intake, that he heard what happened with *Her* and didn't want to talk to her anymore. He prompted the conversation. That was the first time he had mentioned specifically not talking to her anymore. He said that you came back to the room and told him that she and I almost got into a fight in the ER. While that is not at all what happened, just the general knowledge of it bothered *our youngest son*. Rightfully so! He had been admitted by ambulance 2 hours prior due to his mental health and you thought it was appropriate to share even the slightest hint of that scene she caused with him? This is another example of you not putting his thoughts, feelings, mental health, or anything first. How did you think he would react to that news?
• It is so easy for you two to sit back, doing absolutely nothing parental for him and then complain about how you THINK I'm doing it on my own. I have reached out for years for you to be present. I have asked you for years to simply take him out to lunch or send him a random text throughout the day. I have asked you for years for help and input regarding his multiple diagnosis and health. I have asked you for years to show a shred of attention to this boy. I have told you for years that he feels like you don't want to see him, like you don't even care about him. I have told you about him being bullied, about him having a hard time in school, about him struggling socially. I have shared every step with you, good and bad. YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON HIM (as you had with all 3 children and you know I can absolutely back that up). So don't you dare even hint at my name when you talk about why he feels how he does towards you and *Her*.  
• The scene in front of both of our children at the *Hospital name* Emergency Room was very much aggressively one sided. The police had to be involved with reports being made, as well as it posted on the Daily Crime Log on their website (however that situation will be dealt with separately). But most importantly, with how *our youngest son* already feels from his own personal interactions with you two, *Her* will definitely not interact with *our youngest son* at all for the time being. It was discussed and decided up on with them at his session, with both the therapist and doctor agreeing with him (whether you believe me or not doesn't matter, but this is another time that I had zero say in that part of the story and decision). Should either of you feel like working towards any semblance of relationship in the future, it will only be done healthily and per the terms of the therapist.
• And finally, I think it is interesting that you are so quick to point out how you think *our daughter and oldest son* struggled with me and then to got better with time. Perhaps, since you two seem to think you are what was needed, maybe you should have been there from the beginning rather than sit complacently on the sidelines and watch what you believed to be happening a third time. Its very easy to judge from the outside, especially when, ironically, your absence and hurtful treatment are literally the causes of most of it. So, if you are going to continue that Super Man narrative, then maybe be proactive this time and be present for *our youngest son*?

Moral of the story....get over trying to prove him wrong or me bad and focus on his feelings towards you guys. 

I had no intention of it previously but, due to the interaction today, I will be keeping an eye on his messages across the platforms. Right now is ONLY a time of healing, peace, love, understanding, and support for *our youngest son*. Even the hint of anything else will not be tolerated.

I will continue to keep you updated.
 

From: Me

To: Him

 *Our youngest son* and I met with his case manager and therapist at *location name* this morning. Here is an outline:

• We see the case manager twice. After that, they will meet with the therapist and director to see if qualified for services
• We are doing the therapy and medicine there however I also signed us up for wraparound services which is in home with a family support provider or BHA.
• I included your name on the paperwork however you will only be included when the therapist clears it and *our youngest son* is ready.
• Because of the required group sessions, *our youngest son* is actually open to groups for the first time (previously adamant against it). They are going to look into and provide options for us at the next appointment.
• We will schedule the actual therapy intake at the next visit with the case manager which is on 9/17.
• I offered to sign release from OT so they could do care coordination. I signed their paperwork and, since we have OT today, will sign theirs while we are there.

Will continue like a broken record but now is not the time to ignore or distance from *our youngest son*. You are his dad. His siblings live with you. Please reach out healthily. At this moment, there is zero need to discuss *Her* or I with him. It's about you two and your relationship. Please. 

To: Him

From: Me

 *Him*,

Just wanted to see when you, your kiddos, or *our oldest son* were going to reach out to *our youngest son*. 

No matter your or *Her* feelings towards me, REACH OUT AND TALK TO YOUR SON! 

Please have *our oldest son* do the same.

To: Him

From: Me

*Him*,

Today we had our second meeting with the case manager at *location*. We have a scheduled intake with the therapist on 9/30. The case manager now takes everything to their meeting where they decide if *our youngest son* qualifies for services. If he does not, they will call to notify and then cancel the intake on the 30th. So, no news is "good" news. I will keep you posted.

Also, it's been a week since *our youngest son* has been home. Since that day, you have not reached out. You have not had the kids reach out. You have not had *our oldest son* reach out (except when he gamed *our youngest son* one time shortly). For all of the yelling and complaining about how you think I am painting you and *Her* to look, you two continue to do all of that for me. *Her* can throw a public tantrum and then text about how "hard she loves" him but where is all that now (or then)? How is silence and lack of support showing any type of love from any of you? It's baffling how none of you can find the time to send him even a one liner once a day. But I guess there has to be a motivation to do that on your end and apparently none of this has been enough. Just take a second and put yourself in *our youngest son*'s shoes when, during all of these appointments, he has to continually answer questions about that.

If it was up to me, I would do exactly as you tell everyone and intentionally keep him shielded from you two. However, since *our youngest son* loves his siblings and would like some kind of relationship with you, I will continue to do exactly as I have been by trying, for his sake.

I hope whatever is keeping you from your son right now is worth it.

*Me*

From: *Police Public Records*

To: Me

Greetings-

Your request has been fulfilled. *Hospital* surveillance footage is confidential pursuant *code* of the *State act*. The Open Records Office only releases law enforcement records that are required to be made available to the public pursuant to *code* of the *State* Open Records Act. Requests for additional material should be made in the form of a subpoena.

Thank you-

Open Records Office

From: Me

To: Him

*Forwarded the email from our youngest son's school for a 504 Plan update due to recent events*

I apologize for the short notice (as you can expect, things are still rather busy here) since I just got this Friday but still wanted to forward.

I am working on my notes for tomorrow's meeting. If you are finally interested in being involved, please call me so we can go over this year's school concerns that have arisen, ideas that will help, and the appropriate accommodations to request be included/updated.

As much as he and I would both appreciate you calling, please only do so if you are being genuine and willing to put in effort. This isn't easy for *our youngest son*. He hates these meetings and has previously told me and them (teachers, therapists, etc) that he did not want to do these types of appointments anymore because it felt like all he did was keep talking about "all of the things wrong with me". I tried to explain how I wouldn't take my car into the mechanic on a Tuesday for no reason. We go there if there is something specific I need help with that I cannot do myself. Plus, we go to the mechanic for help because they are the ones trained and specialized in the service we are looking for. It seemed to help but he still does not enjoy these. Plus, it's hard for us to come up with new ideas because if we could, we would already have had them implemented previously. 

So, as before, this open invitation to be included with parenting, especially regarding input in this, is still there. But please know, this is for a phone call to help discuss ONLY Dylan and tomorrow's meeting. I won't allow it to be anything else so please do not bring up anything else as that is a discussion for a different time. Also, neither *our youngest son* nor *Her* will be on our call (if you do). He is busy trying to work on classes to make sure he stays on track with school since missing a week (which is more than usual since he's taking a full schedule and they are advanced courses). And as for her, that should go without saying. 

 I realize this email sounds like a lot, but at the end of the day, it is just me reaching out again to try to have his other parent call to discuss our son and ensure he succeeds.

From: Me

To: Him

 To recap:

• Your son attempts to commit suicide
• While admitted for in-patient care, his Safety Crisis Plan lists underneath Triggers and Stressors how *She* treats him (documented by his therapist and signed by him)
• Within a couple hours of being home, he reaches out to you completely on his own (even saying specifically "believe me when I say mom had nothing to do with this", "I promise I'm not being forced to send this", and "she doesn't usually read these") and AGAIN shares his feelings with you regarding *Her*
• He tells you that he still wants to hang out with his siblings "as long as I don't see her"
• Your immediate response to his feelings towards her was to instant belittle his me, tell him how his siblings struggled for years with me, and that he is "in that zone now" 
• You then defend her. Dyl told you how he feels and what he has experienced, saying specifically "I've had more bad memories with her than good". You even advise him to reach out to his siblings to "more understand" why *She* treats him how she does.
• You finish by sending your last text to him and offer "some FaceTime calls with the kids".
• You never reached back out to him
• You were emailed that same night that he "is worried that she is going to keep his siblings from him" and to "focus on his feelings". 
• You never reached back out to him
• You were emailed the next day "Will continue like a broken record but now is not the time to ignore or distance from *Our youngest son*. You are his dad. His siblings live with you. Please reach out healthily. At this moment, there is zero need to discuss *Her* or I with him. It's about you two and your relationship. Please."
• You never reached back out to him
•  You were emailed 3 days later "Just wanted to see when you, your kiddos, or *Our oldest son* were going to reach out to *Our youngest son*. No matter your or *Her* feelings towards me, reach out to your son"
• You never reached back out to him
• You were emailed 3 days later "For all of the yelling and complaining about how you think I am painting you and *Her* to look, you two continue to do all of that for me" and "I hope whatever is keeping you from your son right now is worth it."
• I hope whatever is keeping you from your son right now is worth it.
• I am emailing you today, 7 days later...a total of 2 WEEKS after he has been discharged from the hospital,  2 weeks after him texting you that he will wanted to see you and his siblings, 2 weeks of being emailed four times asking you to reach out to him, 2 weeks of it being detailed how he needs support and love right now.
• YOU NEVER REACHED BACK OUT TO HIM

Why? Is it an intentional plan to cause our children's heart such hurt and assist in mental health issues so they can "struggle" with me, then swoop in to pretend they "leave and get better with time, all while being around me and *Her*"? Sounds vaguely like Munchausen syndrome by proxy maybe? How many of our children need to say this to you while citing specific events that have caused this, having therapists confirming it to later blame me for picking "man-haters", and being advised to not interact with you because the part-time fake interest is unhealthy? Why does it make sense to everyone else but you to choose to be with them during their childhood. Enjoy them growing up. Be a part of these big events such as sports and dances and first loves. Go on vacations with them. Grab them from school for a surprise lunch. Be someone they are excited to call about things or want to reach out for advice. Why would you rather complain about things you choose to have zero interaction with, claim to be able to do it better while refusing to try, and then take credit for their betterment with growth? I guess *Our youngest son* and I (and pretty much every other person involved or aware) just want you to finally explain why, for their sake, you won't.

Please make these emails stop for both of us and reach out to your son. "It's baffling how none of you can find the time to send him even a one liner once a day." 

To: Him

From: Me

*Forwarded the Written Notice to Parent and finalized 504 plan*

From: Our youngest son's math teacher

To: Me

After our team meeting, we have determined that *Our youngest son* will need to make up all the *software* and *software* assignments. Our focus is on spiraling topics, and we utilize both programs as they complement each other effectively.  It is important to note that while *Our youngest son* may have demonstrated mastery in one program, it does not guarantee the same level of mastery in the other. 

To support his learning, I will exempt him from all notes and videos up until week 10. If  *Our youngest son* wishes to complete any of these videos and would like a grade for them, please notify me so I can ensure his grades are entered in the gradebook, as I will not be alerted by the program about any completed videos after the exemption.

As discussed in the 504 meeting, I have included the completed notes through week 10. While *Our youngest son* works to catch up, I will not enter zeros for the higher-stakes assignments like *software* and *software*, allowing him the necessary time to progress without feeling penalized

From: Me

To: Math Teacher

I received your email however I would like us to address "*Our youngest son* may have demonstrated mastery in one program, it does not guarantee the same level of mastery in the other." Mastery, per state guidelines and other IEP/504 specific resources do not differentiate between what type of software is being utilized. It is referring to the topic being learned. 

While I appreciate the exemption of the notes for those weeks, I think we need to have a group discussion about how we are going to need to define "mastery" in regards to his 504 Plan.

From: Child Support Office

To: Me

Hello:

Enforcement actions to compel payments require that the noncustodial parent has income, wages, or assets.  If a non custodial parent has no identifiable income, other enforcement actions continue.

From: Me

To: Child Support Office

 I would like to refer to the Statute included in my email that states “ the Department may initiate an administrative or district court action to obtain an order to require an unemployed or underemployed obligor to participate in counseling, treatment, educational training, social skills training, employment training or job-finding programs, or the problem-solving court program under Section 14 of this act.”

So, if he’s not maintaining employment and/or being willfully underemployed (DoorDash *as a father of 6*), he can be required to attend training, job finding programs, etc. as outlined. 

From: Me

To: Him

This morning we did his therapy intake at *location*. The 2 1/2 hour appointment was to go over his entire life and events/feelings. She will take it to their meeting Thursday for assignment. 

We have enrolled for this location to provide med management, traditional in-person therapy, as well as wrap-around services (provided in home). Will keep you posted.

Again, just about another week of not contacting *Our youngest son* at all, you or the kids. Again, please do what you had offered him before you went silent.

From: Me

To: Our youngest son's math teacher

I wanted to touch base on this again regarding this. I have been able to find a few resources that site either a "reduction in workload" to achieve the same goal as the other students as well as starting on page 101 of *state* SPED Handbook, linked below, it discusses him being "assessed by alternate achievement standards" where a goal would be "a written, measurable statement that describes what a student is reasonably expected to accomplish".  It continues by giving an example of  Adaptation/modifications as "fewer concepts to be mastered, different test questions, and material at a different reading level". 

I have been able to confirm on many websites and resources that showing mastery either through the testing like he completed or fewer assignments is absolutely a reasonable and common accommodation. I have also been told that it is not software based nor would it be required to be repeated if already completed. 

Is there a date/time where we can all meet again to help clarify on his 504 for not just getting caught up but moving forward?

From: 504 Director

To: Me

Hey *Me*,

I called you today to discuss this.  Feel free to call me back tomorrow if you would like.  I wanted to make sure that you spoke to *person* and *person*?  *person* and I spoke after your initial email and she was going to reach out to you with *person* to discuss how the accommodations would be implemented within Math+.  

From: Me

To: 504 Director

*Attached our youngest son's test score chart from software and pamphlet directly from software's website explaining the test*

I apologize, I did receive your voicemail this afternoon. It was during the boys' OT.

I have not heard from anybody yet which was why I spent the evening working on the long email I just sent.

I look forward to coordinating with math however, would it be most beneficial to have everyone at the same time since reframing and implementing the 504 would affect across the board? While I absolutely would like to have some forward motion with that, I just worry that it may still need to get paused again until we can clarify how exactly that accommodation will be utilized.

For example, I had asked about the *software test*. On his attached results, it shows 132/206 topics "mastered". I've attached what I found straight from the *company's* website which states specifically "*Company's test* measure your mastery of topics... You won’t struggle trying to learn topics you aren’t ready for, and you won’t waste time on topics you already know." I asked, since this specifically states that this is mastered based on literal testing of the knowledge, if this could help in regards to possible exemption of overdue assignments in those topics. I was told that they instead "determined that *our youngest son* will need to make up all" of the assignments. The reasoning behind the denial of the accommodation request was because of software that complement each other? While we are thankful that the notes and videos were paused, I am still not understanding of the decision and would like for another meeting to both clarify the 504 and then clarify how it will be implemented in the classrooms, math specifically, while we are all together.